I don't totally know the definition of a vixen, but I decided that is what I most identify with being. Tonight my anger was like fire in my eyes as I looked on some fukn cuddling between a girl and the dude I am not allowed to associate with because we are felons. I had to walk out the meeting cause I was gonna scream. So many emotions swirling all over me that I couldn't suppress. Couldn't suffocate. He was laying it on thick sitting right in front of me. I don't think they were together though they were always just friends and I saw her push his hand away.
It wasn't jealousy because little girl has nothing on me. In fact I remember when she was enamored with me even saying hi to her. So I wasn't jealous...it was complete fukn anger. And then to strike a note after the meeting I ended up walking behind him and I ran my finger up his back just to see how he would respond. Cause the last I knew we were still at least friends. And the fuker shook his head in disgust. Totally reminded me of the time Adam said I touched his ear in a meeting when I didn't. I to this day don't know how he felt me touching his ear, I was three seats behind him. Ok I am a witch. Maybe a breath feels like a touch between us? And besides if I wanted to touch Adam somewhere for real it wouldn't be his ear, lol.
So I vascilated between anger and looking at ex like what a joke. Like seriously having this girl hug all over him right in front of me like he was telling her to do it and then they would look at me for my reaction and laugh. Seriously like the most immature thing since Pee Wee Herman. I gave them the good old Adam stare. Like you got to be fukn kidding me with this!
I think it totally sucks that the courts can tell you who not to be with...four years after texting dude. But after seeing this fukn display I don't want his ass anyway. Real mature. And cruel for that matter. You're gonna laugh and be dick after all those words to me? Vagina.
My mind is different about myself though. Real different. Surveillance maybe? Feeling superior mentally somehow? Confident. Assured that I could weather any storm. Loving who I am despite my crazy, maybe even because of it. Knowing that fool could never handle me or challenge me. I even sensed that I am carrying myself straighter.
I think what I have gone through was enlightenment. I am different. And its like I have been noticing recovered type thoughts and sensory about myself for months...but the trip out of reality was the icing on the cake. Something has aligned in me!!!
And after all that anger in the meeting. I came to the conclusion that I really don't give a fuk if some dude I liked wants to lay the mack down on some 20 year old. Seems to be a theme. If that's what he is in to he could never keep up with me.
Bitch I'm rare. You can't copy this blueprint. Impossible. I am getting tougher than nails...a Vixen She Wolf. I never had an exterior when I was drinking. God is building me into a completely different person. My confidence and witty responses are like on point. I ain't never felt so good about myself. This is amazing!
All this shit be sending me to the grave five years ago...but damn I would say the program works. And writing works. I am whole and I am strong. Grown. LOL DAMN I GREW UP!!! No longer have Peter Pan Syndrome and wondering why I never learn things! If you would have told me five years ago what I would have to go through to be sober, I would have slit my wrists while you were explaining it me! BUT holy hot damn I am so greatful to have an internal house that guides me and protects me and keeps me right about myself in my head! Priceless steps of AA.
Priceless Felony Stalker.
PS. I looked it up and a vixen is a female fox...lol. Too funny I chose that word and did not know the deifinition! FOX, lol. And a vixen is a quarrelsome woman. Haha I don't quarrel much besides in my mind. Not a vixen...just sounds sexy lol.
It wasn't jealousy because little girl has nothing on me. In fact I remember when she was enamored with me even saying hi to her. So I wasn't jealous...it was complete fukn anger. And then to strike a note after the meeting I ended up walking behind him and I ran my finger up his back just to see how he would respond. Cause the last I knew we were still at least friends. And the fuker shook his head in disgust. Totally reminded me of the time Adam said I touched his ear in a meeting when I didn't. I to this day don't know how he felt me touching his ear, I was three seats behind him. Ok I am a witch. Maybe a breath feels like a touch between us? And besides if I wanted to touch Adam somewhere for real it wouldn't be his ear, lol.
So I vascilated between anger and looking at ex like what a joke. Like seriously having this girl hug all over him right in front of me like he was telling her to do it and then they would look at me for my reaction and laugh. Seriously like the most immature thing since Pee Wee Herman. I gave them the good old Adam stare. Like you got to be fukn kidding me with this!
I think it totally sucks that the courts can tell you who not to be with...four years after texting dude. But after seeing this fukn display I don't want his ass anyway. Real mature. And cruel for that matter. You're gonna laugh and be dick after all those words to me? Vagina.
My mind is different about myself though. Real different. Surveillance maybe? Feeling superior mentally somehow? Confident. Assured that I could weather any storm. Loving who I am despite my crazy, maybe even because of it. Knowing that fool could never handle me or challenge me. I even sensed that I am carrying myself straighter.
I think what I have gone through was enlightenment. I am different. And its like I have been noticing recovered type thoughts and sensory about myself for months...but the trip out of reality was the icing on the cake. Something has aligned in me!!!
And after all that anger in the meeting. I came to the conclusion that I really don't give a fuk if some dude I liked wants to lay the mack down on some 20 year old. Seems to be a theme. If that's what he is in to he could never keep up with me.
Bitch I'm rare. You can't copy this blueprint. Impossible. I am getting tougher than nails...a Vixen She Wolf. I never had an exterior when I was drinking. God is building me into a completely different person. My confidence and witty responses are like on point. I ain't never felt so good about myself. This is amazing!
All this shit be sending me to the grave five years ago...but damn I would say the program works. And writing works. I am whole and I am strong. Grown. LOL DAMN I GREW UP!!! No longer have Peter Pan Syndrome and wondering why I never learn things! If you would have told me five years ago what I would have to go through to be sober, I would have slit my wrists while you were explaining it me! BUT holy hot damn I am so greatful to have an internal house that guides me and protects me and keeps me right about myself in my head! Priceless steps of AA.
Priceless Felony Stalker.
PS. I looked it up and a vixen is a female fox...lol. Too funny I chose that word and did not know the deifinition! FOX, lol. And a vixen is a quarrelsome woman. Haha I don't quarrel much besides in my mind. Not a vixen...just sounds sexy lol.
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