He used to lean up against the coke machine like he owned it. There was a guy tonight that wore his hair like him and another that reminds me of him but he huffs propane so still not quite right. I wonder where he is...if he is happy and if he knows he would rock my world with hello. No matter his condition or where he's been or what he's been up to I don't care.
Taking my world from hell to heaven was a big deal. In 1996 I was hospitalized for a month my senior year. I thought I was the only soul in hell and there was no saving me and I took on the sin of the earth. Hell was nasty and I was there three more times. Very demonic, very scary and I needed my own soul mate to get out.
How did it happen that he was my soul mate that got me to heaven if I was never gonna see him again? Why can't my heart stop wanting him? I am so frustrated that I still miss him with my entire being. God where are you in this? It's not fukn fair.
And this dude on fb says that I am eye candy and that I should have all sorts of dudes after me. And I said no not at all because I am real different and only want one that I can't have. And I am unapproachable and intimidating and scary!
And even if I weren't o M so fukt up because of my own damn imagination! I created him into who I wanted him to be! So this is really getting beyond sick of me! Cause I don't know anymore and how could Adam live up to my fukn fantasy world?
All I know is he stole my heart in the biggest way. I don't even know what's real anymore though. And why can I look at a coke machine and cry?
I am so God damn weird. Seriously! He's never coming back to me...he's afraid of me. And this feeling in my chest is so painful! I don't know how to make it go away. Not even Jake made it go away!
I'm worried about him. And there is nothing I can do about it. And I am so tired of waiting for nothing. Just because I want him so bad. Like real love and I've never had it before so it seems like it should be reciprocated because it's so big to me!
I'm so tired.
Taking my world from hell to heaven was a big deal. In 1996 I was hospitalized for a month my senior year. I thought I was the only soul in hell and there was no saving me and I took on the sin of the earth. Hell was nasty and I was there three more times. Very demonic, very scary and I needed my own soul mate to get out.
How did it happen that he was my soul mate that got me to heaven if I was never gonna see him again? Why can't my heart stop wanting him? I am so frustrated that I still miss him with my entire being. God where are you in this? It's not fukn fair.
And this dude on fb says that I am eye candy and that I should have all sorts of dudes after me. And I said no not at all because I am real different and only want one that I can't have. And I am unapproachable and intimidating and scary!
And even if I weren't o M so fukt up because of my own damn imagination! I created him into who I wanted him to be! So this is really getting beyond sick of me! Cause I don't know anymore and how could Adam live up to my fukn fantasy world?
All I know is he stole my heart in the biggest way. I don't even know what's real anymore though. And why can I look at a coke machine and cry?
I am so God damn weird. Seriously! He's never coming back to me...he's afraid of me. And this feeling in my chest is so painful! I don't know how to make it go away. Not even Jake made it go away!
I'm worried about him. And there is nothing I can do about it. And I am so tired of waiting for nothing. Just because I want him so bad. Like real love and I've never had it before so it seems like it should be reciprocated because it's so big to me!
I'm so tired.
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