So older women are stronger. I have had friends in the program come and go. And not all are "gone" from me. But I thought about this...who has really stood by me through this? Seven women. I will name them. Connie- A sponsor that came to visit me in the hospital. My mom Helen- who met my birthdad in the program. My Aunt Kathy - Spiritual Inspiration. Sandy - BP and current sponsor. Nancy - Jake's mom and dear friend. Jane - Dragon's mom and my greenhouse boss. Shauna - A cooky mother of four girls that believed in me.
I was really wondering about this today...how the heck? Ok so I saw this pop up window it said "Would you like to read your unread Gmail messages?" I said yes. And it went nowhere! I am like hmmmmmmm....I wonder if my messages from comments have been going somewhere else? And I thought wow! Because I thought about who I always was in this world...and I wouldn't have been able to write the business plan I wrote the past three days if ANYTHING in my life had ever been any different than exactly how it has been. If I hadn't become disabled I would have never know this compassion! I used to be frightened and intimidated to have conversations with people who were challenged. I used to judge people based on looks...and status. That is gone from me!
Its a revelation of the ego or something miraculous like that. I have even hallucinated that people were not who they appeared to be...I couldn't even trust my own vision at one point! Cray! One day I was like I don't even know what I look like right now!!! And so I couldn't base my reality on the way things appeared. I had always needed everyone to constantly praise me...constant affirmations. That's why I would be so good at sports but the second I messed up I couldn't handle it and deflated in my head and messed up worse! I could make baskets like a freak and never tried out for basketball because I didn't know how to defend myself! DUOH! Defend yourself. Protect yourself. Do it yourself. Write your own dream business plan!!!
I am absolutely amazed that I wrote all this time with no feedback! Trusting God I was doing the right thing even when in doubt. Everyone's been telling me no...and I've been telling me yes! God's been telling me yes! AMEN!
And maybe Concord is the place where we don't need drugs! And the world I see fragmented is really truly whole! Wouldn't that be amazing? No one understands me to Everyone understands me and I flip between these world my whole life! Its been my whole life!!! Heaven and hell. I am tripping balls right now! Basketballs, and shooting hoops with Jake!
I am one serious believer. I hope the F word is ok God. Sorry...I use it a lot. I am a little confused right now...just a little if this is real or ILLNEHUS. But I am trusting God! The world is a stage and we are all the actors. I am freaking out!!! But this has been happening a long time...so OMG! I am not really freaking out! I am ok. I am better than ok.
I don't really smoke cigs do I??? LOL. Ok and some young women in my life too. Ariel and Ciarra...and there was a Jacque, and a Megan....two Megans. Sisters. Lots of sisters. Too many sisters!!! A huge family. A lot of love. A lot of people. I can't list everybody. A dad. A human father. A step dad....brothers, lots of brothers. Cousins I miss so much!!! AND FELONS! And Scotts. And so on and so forth. All here.
AND NO COMMENTS. YAY GOD.
I was really wondering about this today...how the heck? Ok so I saw this pop up window it said "Would you like to read your unread Gmail messages?" I said yes. And it went nowhere! I am like hmmmmmmm....I wonder if my messages from comments have been going somewhere else? And I thought wow! Because I thought about who I always was in this world...and I wouldn't have been able to write the business plan I wrote the past three days if ANYTHING in my life had ever been any different than exactly how it has been. If I hadn't become disabled I would have never know this compassion! I used to be frightened and intimidated to have conversations with people who were challenged. I used to judge people based on looks...and status. That is gone from me!
Its a revelation of the ego or something miraculous like that. I have even hallucinated that people were not who they appeared to be...I couldn't even trust my own vision at one point! Cray! One day I was like I don't even know what I look like right now!!! And so I couldn't base my reality on the way things appeared. I had always needed everyone to constantly praise me...constant affirmations. That's why I would be so good at sports but the second I messed up I couldn't handle it and deflated in my head and messed up worse! I could make baskets like a freak and never tried out for basketball because I didn't know how to defend myself! DUOH! Defend yourself. Protect yourself. Do it yourself. Write your own dream business plan!!!
I am absolutely amazed that I wrote all this time with no feedback! Trusting God I was doing the right thing even when in doubt. Everyone's been telling me no...and I've been telling me yes! God's been telling me yes! AMEN!
And maybe Concord is the place where we don't need drugs! And the world I see fragmented is really truly whole! Wouldn't that be amazing? No one understands me to Everyone understands me and I flip between these world my whole life! Its been my whole life!!! Heaven and hell. I am tripping balls right now! Basketballs, and shooting hoops with Jake!
I am one serious believer. I hope the F word is ok God. Sorry...I use it a lot. I am a little confused right now...just a little if this is real or ILLNEHUS. But I am trusting God! The world is a stage and we are all the actors. I am freaking out!!! But this has been happening a long time...so OMG! I am not really freaking out! I am ok. I am better than ok.
I don't really smoke cigs do I??? LOL. Ok and some young women in my life too. Ariel and Ciarra...and there was a Jacque, and a Megan....two Megans. Sisters. Lots of sisters. Too many sisters!!! A huge family. A lot of love. A lot of people. I can't list everybody. A dad. A human father. A step dad....brothers, lots of brothers. Cousins I miss so much!!! AND FELONS! And Scotts. And so on and so forth. All here.
AND NO COMMENTS. YAY GOD.
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