I wonder how Marilyn Manson approached Annie Lennox on wanting to cover her 80s hit single Sweet Dreams Are Made of These? Hey Annie...I have an idea to make your song super fukn creepy and demonic...How bah dat? I did listen to it today and Marilyn's form is more real. Gutteral. Filled with pain.
Marilyn makes me think of high school and so does Nine Inch Nails. Yucky... Smoking pot. Tripping balls in the demon world it took me to. Awful. I think that year caused my mental illness. Or I was prone to it and that opened up my third eye.
I have a memory from when I was about four and we were camping by a river...I believe I was with my next door neighbor and babysitter. I was jumping across rocks in the river and singing Sweet Dreams. It's a pretty beautiful memory of me glistening in the sun.
Marilyn makes me think of high school and so does Nine Inch Nails. Yucky... Smoking pot. Tripping balls in the demon world it took me to. Awful. I think that year caused my mental illness. Or I was prone to it and that opened up my third eye.
I used to turn the station when those songs came on. But now I listen and face those demons and tell them to crawl back into the pit wence they came. NIN is catchy music. Evil lyrics. I'm pretty sure I just pray for devil worshipers and know they lose in the end anyway.
Got me thinking about demonic strongholds and my therapist would shudder in his chair for me to say my psychosis got bad those couple years cause demons were leaving me! EVERYTHING I was seeing was spiritual and then one day and now for a year and a few months no trace of illness! Sure I talk talk talk about it all...but it's past tense! And I experienced a heaven psychosis, not just hell like it had always been. But after heaven I went back to hell several times.
A psychosis is supposedly like an Awakening that has to be worked out in your soul. Or it's a chemical imbalance in your brain. You pick, lol. I'm choosing to believe that my ego and soul were split into bipolar (good and evil) when I was raped and then all the pot making me hallucinate just invited alot of darkness into me that was never there growing up. A battle of the soul. I was a pretty healthy and normal little girl.
Sometimes I think of all the shit that I have been through, and when I go to hell I can't fight this at all...But why would God make me such an Imaginative beautiful little girl with hopes and dreams to have it all be destroyed?
That's the enemy though, and he tried real hard to destroy my beauty. Make my love look ugly? Make me think my love is wrong? How dare I? Fricken take what made me indescribably happy and then turn it into a nightmare? Put me in the pit? Mock me in dreams nightly? When I see that devil in person can I please have the honor of stomping on his throat...And cutting him to tiny pieces starting with his lying tongue? Damn straight I know how to use weapons in Concord! Point me at em I will handle it.
Any way it's all a battle. Some just know more about it than others. I don't know what God wants me to do with the things I have seen? I guess just keep writing! Maybe I really dont need a PhD anyway? Just write another book? They are not gonna teach me spiritual shit anyway and I will fight with them and be mad! Cause I know that it is! The places I have been taken to are not something my brain could make up! No way no how!
Damn that was a rant! My mom made me think more about the PhD thing. Shoot I guess I must a sposed ta been a writer when I grew up! Mom says to start sending to magazines maybe I should!
Thanks everyone for reading. It's kinda blowing up lately and that tickles my belly like heroin did! There I go again!
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