So there I was hungry and in my own head...do I continue to work on the business plan like that? No better not...too many good ideas coming my way! I get on FB and a friend whom I have never met in person, wants to buy a book and meet me...he calls me "ornery" and "funny" and I like to make people laugh and he offered a sushi dinner to boot~! He did slide his beer to me...and I said nope...I'm an alcoholic, don't drink. I ain't going there, got too much going for me.
I think I may have blew his mind a little, because when you say things like "out of reality" and psychosis, and smart but no common sense, and here's what I have been through, its overwhelming. But anyhoo he was askin so I was tellin. Overall it was a very nice encounter and my belly got filled up.
So there is this. On the way there I pulled a little too far onto Lake Elmo. There were two women walking up, probably a mother and a daughter. They looked a little rumpled and were carrying groceries. So I put my car in reverse and let them cross and smiled at them. The woman, probably the mother looked right at me while I gave her a smile, and did not smile back or wave or acknowledge that I hadn't just done my turn before they could cross. I noticed that she may have been disabled and carried the weight of that in her slumping shoulders. Her daughter looked just like her...same haircut...same clothes and she didn't smile either. Ok...so not everyone gives back a smile...but why?
I thought that these are the people that I want to do this for...what if that woman couldn't stop texting a man she loved? What would they do to her? Would they put her through what I have been through? Almost kill her, for texting someone? For loving someone important to her? What if she was not strong enough for all that? What if she had dreams, that never came true? What if that two bags of groceries she was carrying was really all she had to keep her going?
So then I remembered the oral surgeon's gal. (I need to change that in a blog because I remember it was the oral surgeons office for something on my lip and not for the skin cancer.) This young woman with a good job laughed to tell me she couldn't stop texting a dude and she got a $400 fine for privacy in communications. My GPS was $400 a month for a year, reminding you! Really? So maybe if I wasn't a "disabled alcoholic" when this happened and was still and ultrasound tech or social services director, I maybe would have gotten less of a punishment. Just my thinking because I know a "doctor" that was in a prescription drug ring, and you don't have to "do time" for that?
Also FYI I could have literally beat Adam up three times before getting a felony! Yes it is called (PFMA) partner family member assault and yes he had been my "partner" for as long as he wanted. I know that I was doing something I shouldn't have been doing at that time and it was clear to me that he wanted to distance himself. That's why I wrote to him...I discovered I loved him way after we broke up, and I had stopped the behavior. Working on myself...Regardless. YES, three slaps to the face would feel pretty damn good, I am telling ya! BUT I don't do that kind of stuff! I freaked out on a my friend that helped me while going through all this in psychosis, and I needed to let it out, and he let me beat on him! What a good friend!!! I was confused on who he was to me psychotic, and he was willing to let me get it out! He did not press charges and it was after a meeting and people were still there! Mr. Good you are an amazing man!!! But I have been tested at 17 percent aggression. I am not violent, nor have tendencies for it.
So what if that lady I saw today with no education and no understanding of advocacy, or who to call were to find herself in a situation? Because trust me I know all the services in Billings and I have still had hardly any advocacy as a felon. I cannot get a interview at Rimrock Foundation and I used to sit with the Director at a monthly meeting! What the hell people? What the hell? Billings Clinic told me I wasn't qualified for an entry level position, and I said well I have a degree in Ultrasound and worked in Radiology for about six years. "Sorry there are people more qualified than you to push a stapler!" Seriously and she was mean about it! Do you know how many jobs I have been turned down for in the past five years? Jobs that would have begged for me to come work for them...I know because that really happened! TO ME!!!
DAMMIT I AM BENT!
"MENTAL ILLNESS IS NOT A CHOICE" and you can quote me on that because I made up that line!
A hidden mental illness that comes and goes and is horrific! Who would of thunk it? I think God thunk it ALL! I think everything I have ever done in my life leads me to this. Every class taken, every meeting, all the programs I have helped with, all the talking, all the analyzing, all the plans, all the writing...and every last one of my tears!
I need to get some rest! Its been a good day but a long one!!!
I think I may have blew his mind a little, because when you say things like "out of reality" and psychosis, and smart but no common sense, and here's what I have been through, its overwhelming. But anyhoo he was askin so I was tellin. Overall it was a very nice encounter and my belly got filled up.
So there is this. On the way there I pulled a little too far onto Lake Elmo. There were two women walking up, probably a mother and a daughter. They looked a little rumpled and were carrying groceries. So I put my car in reverse and let them cross and smiled at them. The woman, probably the mother looked right at me while I gave her a smile, and did not smile back or wave or acknowledge that I hadn't just done my turn before they could cross. I noticed that she may have been disabled and carried the weight of that in her slumping shoulders. Her daughter looked just like her...same haircut...same clothes and she didn't smile either. Ok...so not everyone gives back a smile...but why?
I thought that these are the people that I want to do this for...what if that woman couldn't stop texting a man she loved? What would they do to her? Would they put her through what I have been through? Almost kill her, for texting someone? For loving someone important to her? What if she was not strong enough for all that? What if she had dreams, that never came true? What if that two bags of groceries she was carrying was really all she had to keep her going?
So then I remembered the oral surgeon's gal. (I need to change that in a blog because I remember it was the oral surgeons office for something on my lip and not for the skin cancer.) This young woman with a good job laughed to tell me she couldn't stop texting a dude and she got a $400 fine for privacy in communications. My GPS was $400 a month for a year, reminding you! Really? So maybe if I wasn't a "disabled alcoholic" when this happened and was still and ultrasound tech or social services director, I maybe would have gotten less of a punishment. Just my thinking because I know a "doctor" that was in a prescription drug ring, and you don't have to "do time" for that?
Also FYI I could have literally beat Adam up three times before getting a felony! Yes it is called (PFMA) partner family member assault and yes he had been my "partner" for as long as he wanted. I know that I was doing something I shouldn't have been doing at that time and it was clear to me that he wanted to distance himself. That's why I wrote to him...I discovered I loved him way after we broke up, and I had stopped the behavior. Working on myself...Regardless. YES, three slaps to the face would feel pretty damn good, I am telling ya! BUT I don't do that kind of stuff! I freaked out on a my friend that helped me while going through all this in psychosis, and I needed to let it out, and he let me beat on him! What a good friend!!! I was confused on who he was to me psychotic, and he was willing to let me get it out! He did not press charges and it was after a meeting and people were still there! Mr. Good you are an amazing man!!! But I have been tested at 17 percent aggression. I am not violent, nor have tendencies for it.
So what if that lady I saw today with no education and no understanding of advocacy, or who to call were to find herself in a situation? Because trust me I know all the services in Billings and I have still had hardly any advocacy as a felon. I cannot get a interview at Rimrock Foundation and I used to sit with the Director at a monthly meeting! What the hell people? What the hell? Billings Clinic told me I wasn't qualified for an entry level position, and I said well I have a degree in Ultrasound and worked in Radiology for about six years. "Sorry there are people more qualified than you to push a stapler!" Seriously and she was mean about it! Do you know how many jobs I have been turned down for in the past five years? Jobs that would have begged for me to come work for them...I know because that really happened! TO ME!!!
DAMMIT I AM BENT!
"MENTAL ILLNESS IS NOT A CHOICE" and you can quote me on that because I made up that line!
A hidden mental illness that comes and goes and is horrific! Who would of thunk it? I think God thunk it ALL! I think everything I have ever done in my life leads me to this. Every class taken, every meeting, all the programs I have helped with, all the talking, all the analyzing, all the plans, all the writing...and every last one of my tears!
I need to get some rest! Its been a good day but a long one!!!
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