I texted you that I was working on myself and
trying to get better and that I loved you.
Why would you not understand my words?
You called me sick! And now I am.
How is loving someone so sick?…until it is I guess. You put me all over the fudging map. No one understands me. I am super fudging weird for loving you I
guess. What the fudge? And I give you all this power over my life
and my health, and it is going to be for nothing. You don’t feel me and at this point, I know I
am way too emotionally unbalanced for you.
This is scary. I am scary. I am
psycho, for sure. All the fudge all over
the placeBO, every fudging day. I hate
your power right now. That is what is
out of balance. Because I give it all to
you. That is what is sick. I let you
affect the fudge out of me. STOP. You
are sharing my plan “C” Bow like a damn twinbot! Kicking me in the ribs like we
were knitted in the same room! Find your
own damn placenta!!! I didn’t go to ULTRA SOUNDs cool for NUTTIN! Do you want
your left nut or the brown eyes??? Talk about creepy! Lol. I told you I want
spiritual, not crazy eyes!!! Yours don’t jog to the left side when you
stare! Shall I cut your telephone cord
now??? We was cell mates baby…wombmateS!!!
A wizard, around your fudging belly button? Serially LUCKY!!! I saw baby
snakes at the psychward!!! They crawled up my sheets and turned into little
green army men!!! And then in platoons
were parachuting down from the sky. WHOA!!!
EHH EGG of FUDGINGLUTION! Little green worms is all they were, never
snakes! So I wouldn’t take my MEDS
because I held the only good woman eggs left on the planet, I refused to take
my pills which represented about sons, ie abortions! Apocalypse of genetics,
and all rainbows of spectrum’s of disorders, created from sexual
immorality! And then it rained and
rained down over my bed, healthy baby men from the sky!!! Drops of Jupiters
sperm, falling down around me until the flood of the Ark spelled NOAH, is
here!!! RAIN! REIGN! JESUS RAINS!!! I
drowned in the psychward again!!! The flood of the Ark, in Billtown Psych. In
1999, I drowned on the Titanic, were you there? YOU ARE MY twin flame…NO JOKE,
I saw you in the womb, or was it a tomb? You hide from me. So maybe that is TMI
for May 4, 2013, that’s a psychological thriller in the making!!! I told you I
wrote this backwards to you. The date is
flashing July 23, 2014. Future tripping about heaven on earth and no more
illness, pills, doktos, or addicts sons. So for those who consider men tell
illness weakness, just imagine tripping on little green army men crawling up
your sheets!
And so I mingle the past with the present to
come to terms with my own insanity, and back in the year 2013…I want to recover
and now I know exactly why they say don’t date in your first year of sobriety. This is all fudged up and it is all my fault
for letting you into my heart the way I did.
Why can’t I protect my fudging heart?
I fall in major love my first year of sobriety. I am making this so much harder than it has
to be. Maybe I just think it is super
great that I make it through all this bullshit without drinking. Maybe in some messed up way I take it as a
personal challenge to see how crazy I can get and not drink. This is not going
to work if I come uncorked every other fudging night. I want to be done.
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