Well I feel like I was punched in the stomach but no biggie im tough now right? I told this lady at the meeting what I've been blogging about lately. She is notorious for preying on newcomers. She's all "he don't want you he never did." Well thanks Captain Obvious! I just killed off my alter ego so I could get real and handle my shit and you gotta rub it in. Another guy said no one would let you get in that much trouble if they cared about your well being. Let me? I did that shit...I broke the law! Repeatedly! It doesn't matter what realm I was in I fricken busted through the law! Scary shit! I can't even imagine if a dude did that to me! He didn't know what to think I am sure. Fukn freaky.
And maybe it's still freaky. Fuk dude I don't know! But I need something else to do right fukn now! I don't know how to make my heart stop! And I can't keep a solid emotion about any of it...It's like I am on drugs! Everything flipped on me in .2 seconds! I want to stop believing but I don't know how? All that therapy is not working!
Maybe I have anxiety...I didnt really think I did and mostly pretty chill and mellow. Damn people spinning me out. I don't need to hear that shit. I am well fukn aware! It's obviously never been an issue to me to love someone that doesn't love me back or I would have canned this shit a long time ago. How many people have told me that? I had someone tell me it was impossible to love someone if they didn't love you back? The fuk you say? Hmmmmm! Could never really wrap my brain around that advice!
Fuk I'm just lonely and all up in my head...And I need to start knitting and get more cats cause I am well on my way to being a crazy cat lady!
And putting all this on a blog is mature like a teenager...And that's basically what happened to me. I fell in love like a stupid teenager because all that shit was taken from me back then. Handy God! Just handy!
Well build a bridge and get the fuk over it then! People probably laugh their asses off at my blog and funny as I am...It's not always funny! I do not feel funny right now. I feel like a damn teenager in a mid life crisis! Four fukn years later!
Keeping it real. Goodnight!
And maybe it's still freaky. Fuk dude I don't know! But I need something else to do right fukn now! I don't know how to make my heart stop! And I can't keep a solid emotion about any of it...It's like I am on drugs! Everything flipped on me in .2 seconds! I want to stop believing but I don't know how? All that therapy is not working!
Maybe I have anxiety...I didnt really think I did and mostly pretty chill and mellow. Damn people spinning me out. I don't need to hear that shit. I am well fukn aware! It's obviously never been an issue to me to love someone that doesn't love me back or I would have canned this shit a long time ago. How many people have told me that? I had someone tell me it was impossible to love someone if they didn't love you back? The fuk you say? Hmmmmm! Could never really wrap my brain around that advice!
Fuk I'm just lonely and all up in my head...And I need to start knitting and get more cats cause I am well on my way to being a crazy cat lady!
And putting all this on a blog is mature like a teenager...And that's basically what happened to me. I fell in love like a stupid teenager because all that shit was taken from me back then. Handy God! Just handy!
Well build a bridge and get the fuk over it then! People probably laugh their asses off at my blog and funny as I am...It's not always funny! I do not feel funny right now. I feel like a damn teenager in a mid life crisis! Four fukn years later!
Keeping it real. Goodnight!
Comments