I was never gonna be poor. Never. I have degrees. The ultrasound degree pays $35 an hour now. I resent being smart at this time because I have been so poor for five years. Somehow if I hadn't been so driven and smart maybe it would make it easier to be on disability. Money is always an issue. My poor kids too. It hasn't totally hit them yet, but they do go without alot. I spoil em the best I can taking them places and hoping against hope I can afford a our first vacation in five years this summer. I am working now so that helps, but I took on more bills. I have not smoked for three days hoping to not have that ridiculous bill anymore.
Being poor has taught me alot about myself. Its redefined what I feel is necessary. It taught me to improvise. It taught me that the government helps those in need...a little. It also taught me how people judge the people that get the help!!! Like we are all the same!!!
I really thought my book was gonna make me money. That somehow it would change my life to be brave enough to tell my story. I remember in a dream demons told me I couldn't have my precious Raposey Wosey (Well thats not the real name like in the dream) and that I should stop writing my book because it would change my life???
Well so far and still I am just a criminal for love. And I guess even if my book did start selling...the money has to go all to Adam. Trying to be ok with that.
Its just a waiting game. I have so much faith in what I am doing with my writing that I feel like its just a wait and see...and I don't know if it is in Flatt or ConCord but I do know that I make a difference. I do know there is purpose in this, I do know I count. And the irony of not selling books for months and that 200 some people can read a blog and I have one like, just inspires me all the more! There is something in my nature that feels so empowered by feeling like the underdog, lol!!! And that's my Father's spirit in me!!! NOT ME!
Let the POOR say I AM RICH! Let the WEAK say I AM STRONG!!!
I told you I have millions in the bank!!! And I am tough as shit!
Being poor has taught me alot about myself. Its redefined what I feel is necessary. It taught me to improvise. It taught me that the government helps those in need...a little. It also taught me how people judge the people that get the help!!! Like we are all the same!!!
I really thought my book was gonna make me money. That somehow it would change my life to be brave enough to tell my story. I remember in a dream demons told me I couldn't have my precious Raposey Wosey (Well thats not the real name like in the dream) and that I should stop writing my book because it would change my life???
Well so far and still I am just a criminal for love. And I guess even if my book did start selling...the money has to go all to Adam. Trying to be ok with that.
Its just a waiting game. I have so much faith in what I am doing with my writing that I feel like its just a wait and see...and I don't know if it is in Flatt or ConCord but I do know that I make a difference. I do know there is purpose in this, I do know I count. And the irony of not selling books for months and that 200 some people can read a blog and I have one like, just inspires me all the more! There is something in my nature that feels so empowered by feeling like the underdog, lol!!! And that's my Father's spirit in me!!! NOT ME!
Let the POOR say I AM RICH! Let the WEAK say I AM STRONG!!!
I told you I have millions in the bank!!! And I am tough as shit!
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