Fragile

So I quit smoking. A twenty plus year habit. It's gross and for a million reasons I hated it and for a million reasons I said no more.  It's been three days.  I feel cray cray.  I am so sensitive in my make up.  I had some symptoms. Dammit anyway. The universe does not revolve around the thoughts in my head!  It's so confusing though when it starts happening it is like I have said a crossing over into another plain of existence. I dont think I want to right now. I just want to quit smoking!!!

Everything is so meaningful there.  Everything I do, everything I say or have said in my life matters.  If I get in fear that's when I think I am evil. If I trust God he shows me his majesty and everything becomes vibrant.  I dont want either today.  I just want to sit here on my porch and listen to men at work and their noisy trucks beeping as they get ready to build more apartments.

For as much as I thrill over crossing over history... That's where I would like it to stay...In my history.  The sun is out. It's pretty today and I was just telling Jesus I trust him no matter what happens...