I've been reading about what stalking does to a victim. Yes I am creepy and scary...And have no basis besides the supernatural to explain what happened. And thats just not very consoling at all. I feel bad tonight. I feel like I have done enough damage. I can't force people to accept and believe my illness or maybe spiritual gift???
I've made a love object. Created someone in my mind to love, to focus on. I don't claim to know how Adam ended up taking my mind to heaven from a psychosis story that started sixteen years before? But it was all in my head never his. Yes I love him but wonder if me going on and on indefinitely is damaging to him? I don't want that to be the case. He has no basis to love me. He has a basis to hate me. And I'm definitely drawing more attention to him then I think he likes. I don't know what will come of this blog. It's took a turn. It was mostly about my mental illness which I guess is suddenly to be obsessed with what happened with Adam again. And so much has happened since that I am great full for... Recovery!!!
I've made a love object. Created someone in my mind to love, to focus on. I don't claim to know how Adam ended up taking my mind to heaven from a psychosis story that started sixteen years before? But it was all in my head never his. Yes I love him but wonder if me going on and on indefinitely is damaging to him? I don't want that to be the case. He has no basis to love me. He has a basis to hate me. And I'm definitely drawing more attention to him then I think he likes. I don't know what will come of this blog. It's took a turn. It was mostly about my mental illness which I guess is suddenly to be obsessed with what happened with Adam again. And so much has happened since that I am great full for... Recovery!!!
God I really need to lay off the poor guy. It's an amazing fukn thing where my mind took me...And scary too. Nobodys permanently damaged I hope.
My growth from reading about other lady stalkers and what their victims go through is that I think I am ready to not use Adam to cope anymore. I think I have finally grown out of that. I think that no matter how big the story was in my mind, there's never gonna be a way to express that fully.
That handout that the therapist gave me on soul mates said that some soul mates aren't intended to stay in your life. They are just there to teach you things. A soul collide...You bounce off one another and can have positive impact. He did.
I'm ready. And if I am gonna be a doctor of psychology...I like fukn for real better have let go of the most psychotic experience of my life and the harm it caused another.
I'm fully cooked and processed.
I'm fully cooked and processed.
Stalker out!
Eve.
Eve.
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