All the Pretty Flowers

So at the greenhouse today I had to sabotage all the growth among the flowers...Like cut them down and throw them away in the garbage.  Just wasn't their time and they were getting too big. I didn't like this! I had planted these flowers from seeds and taking scissors to them was not my idea of the right thing to do. I told Jane it hurt my soul, lol!  She said it's for their own good!  I said is this enough? She said more! Until they were nothing but little nubs.

So as I am looking at my destruction I am thinking that God had to prune me too.  When I was drinking there was nothing wrong with me...I couldn't see anything wrong with me at least.  I was an overgrown mess!  Sure I had some flowers but they weren't gonna live long.  So I got sober and God chopped me down to a nub.  Completely emptied me out of me.  I felt people not liking me? WTF?  I was insane and small and nothing. I was labeled this way and likely it could have destroyed me!  People were not understanding at all...I lost lifelong friends. I felt like I didn't matter in this world one bit...Cause I didn't have any flowers to show!  How could you do this to me God? Cut me down...Make me bare!  But it was for my own good! And I kept saying is that it God? And he said More!!! I thought it was gonna kill me!

I grew back! Better than ever!  And the flower that blooms in adversity is the prettiest flower of all!  All the shit that made me weak and fearful to be me, God has slowly replaced with strength!  It felt awful during...But the payout! Damn I couldnt have asked for better results!  And I know I recovered because I had love in my heart.  And that story maybe didn't have the outcome that I had dreamed about but the flowers sure are beautiful!

And I ain't jealous of anybody else's flowers anymore! My flowers kick-ass thank you God!!!