I have woken up from a dream tonight that has restored my faith! I have been having terrible nightmares for months now. Everything I was doing in them, I was doing wrong. I was the most evil person to ever walk the earth and everything was my fault, much like my dark psychoses. Every angle I would try to take would end with me be tormented in some way whether verbally or physical and it was all about me. I couldn't hide...and I couldn't get anything right! All these games and tests and trials and I came up short on every turn. The same was going on tonight until towards the end of the dream!
You see I get play backs in my dreams, much like a special scenes playback on a DVD commentary. And this is what started my reel tonight, and it was much like my good psychoses which flipped all the negative into positive, in such a way it brought me to overwhelmed tears! "You see Miranda, there are just certain things, you never do with me...otherwise we are perfect. You just sort of "glitch" out!" The particular things I glitched out on were farting and buying birthday cards, but I will explain that better later...its kind of a spatial time lapse thing in my dream.
Ive figured out from past dreams that each sequence is like a room full of actors, some I know but most I don't. I am always searching for my love...much like real life, but he is hidden from me. There is lots of trickery and foul play as I am on this quest. I find very little "actors" that I connect with even though in reality these are my friends and family. So tonight I was immediately excited to be able to talk to my cousin Jennifer and connect with her. We connected because as we were walking down a university path, I started speaking Arabic to her. Now Jenn has been to the Middle East and Georgetown University, but I don't know Arabic!!! I don't remember what we talked about, only that it was important, and in the next scene I am in a room full of people and my Aunt Kathy (her mom) walks into the room. Now, I am one that has always felt misunderstood, but I thought if I could speak Arabic to Jenn and have her understand me, I could speak in tongues to my Aunt Kathy and she would understand me.
But what I had forgotten in the first thing you say in a scene draws all the attention to you...so I basically started yelling in tongues who I was, and what I was all about to my Aunt Kathy and it came off as rude and arrogant. She said "yes I understand you, but shouldn't we just hug first?" This was all beginning of the play back...where I would be shown shame and guilt and pain, and then it would be turned around into another perception of the scene. Normally I would just go onto another nightmarish scene and never get the corrected perception scene.
Back to the spatial time lapse thing. I was feeling all alone in a scene where I was totally rejected. Suddenly I was told that someone was going to propose to me. There were ten guys in a line up, all supposedly had loved me, but I didn't recognize any of them. And by the way Jake was in my dream tonight. (Just a reminder he is my first love from the sixth grade and committed suicide when he was 23.) So I am looking through that line up, not recognizing anyone, wondering who would propose to me? Was it Dragon? Adam? Jake? And it went through the line and showed me what I had done right with all these guys in my dreams, and that I was actually a very sought after woman. That was such a relief after all my wrong with men! So it went through the line up and it got to the second to last one and I was to know who my soulmate was who would be revealed through these disguised men on the next one and who was going to propose to me! Our scene moved to a card shop. This is the part when this supposed lover says that I always glitch out on him on specific things. My head starts reeling when I pick up a card and say "OH!" and I can see myself in another scene when I pick up the birthday card, and then when I put in down and am back with the man. And he says see you go to another place when you pick up the birthday card! Then I see Dragon ahead of me in line...I come up to him and he shoes me away! (I think this means I am not supposed to have a baby with Dragon, which I have been wanting a girl) So I go to the the other cashier with my card. My kids are with me...I am embarrass them (by farting I think.) And Evan is maybe two...and he says to me "I always know when you are buying a birthday card, because we end up stammering at the counter about Mitchell, and I know I never want this to happen again."
But then the play back was that I actually stood at the line and told my kids that Harry Potter movies paid for our birthday cards, and that I was actually famous! They were embarrassed because they were famous! And there had been a few other twists in the dream that told me I wasn't who I thought I was! So basically scenes keep glitching in and out and I am never in the scene I think I am. I was on stage and doing a comedian bit, and I sat with the crowd and they ridiculed me, especially for my outfit, but then I watched a commentary from another audience and they were all raving and saying how wonderful and funny I was. I was in different outfits, and the only thing that mattered to what the people were saying was what I was wearing! Its like I was flashing in and out of scenes so fast that I could grasp that people were seeing different sides to me and mostly what needed to be real was my perceptions!
So I didn't get to see who was my soulmate tonight. Of course! But I woke up with faith that no matter how bad things can seem, that God can turn them into good. Every little thing that I thought was to my detriment played back into good! Its like a glitch in my brain system, where I check out and go somewhere else...a missing part of me that is still unresolved. But I know there will be an answer to that someday, I just have to have faith that it is out there for me. I don't know ultimately who I love or who my soul mate is, just that he is!
I sure hope this is some sort of break through in my dreams. It would be so nice to have good dreams again! If I can just keep the faith in my dreams, maybe I can keep it when reality is trying to get me down. I know there is a purpose in all this, wouldn't be for nothing. I am excited for my destiny...its kind of thrilling and an adventure!
You see I get play backs in my dreams, much like a special scenes playback on a DVD commentary. And this is what started my reel tonight, and it was much like my good psychoses which flipped all the negative into positive, in such a way it brought me to overwhelmed tears! "You see Miranda, there are just certain things, you never do with me...otherwise we are perfect. You just sort of "glitch" out!" The particular things I glitched out on were farting and buying birthday cards, but I will explain that better later...its kind of a spatial time lapse thing in my dream.
Ive figured out from past dreams that each sequence is like a room full of actors, some I know but most I don't. I am always searching for my love...much like real life, but he is hidden from me. There is lots of trickery and foul play as I am on this quest. I find very little "actors" that I connect with even though in reality these are my friends and family. So tonight I was immediately excited to be able to talk to my cousin Jennifer and connect with her. We connected because as we were walking down a university path, I started speaking Arabic to her. Now Jenn has been to the Middle East and Georgetown University, but I don't know Arabic!!! I don't remember what we talked about, only that it was important, and in the next scene I am in a room full of people and my Aunt Kathy (her mom) walks into the room. Now, I am one that has always felt misunderstood, but I thought if I could speak Arabic to Jenn and have her understand me, I could speak in tongues to my Aunt Kathy and she would understand me.
But what I had forgotten in the first thing you say in a scene draws all the attention to you...so I basically started yelling in tongues who I was, and what I was all about to my Aunt Kathy and it came off as rude and arrogant. She said "yes I understand you, but shouldn't we just hug first?" This was all beginning of the play back...where I would be shown shame and guilt and pain, and then it would be turned around into another perception of the scene. Normally I would just go onto another nightmarish scene and never get the corrected perception scene.
Back to the spatial time lapse thing. I was feeling all alone in a scene where I was totally rejected. Suddenly I was told that someone was going to propose to me. There were ten guys in a line up, all supposedly had loved me, but I didn't recognize any of them. And by the way Jake was in my dream tonight. (Just a reminder he is my first love from the sixth grade and committed suicide when he was 23.) So I am looking through that line up, not recognizing anyone, wondering who would propose to me? Was it Dragon? Adam? Jake? And it went through the line and showed me what I had done right with all these guys in my dreams, and that I was actually a very sought after woman. That was such a relief after all my wrong with men! So it went through the line up and it got to the second to last one and I was to know who my soulmate was who would be revealed through these disguised men on the next one and who was going to propose to me! Our scene moved to a card shop. This is the part when this supposed lover says that I always glitch out on him on specific things. My head starts reeling when I pick up a card and say "OH!" and I can see myself in another scene when I pick up the birthday card, and then when I put in down and am back with the man. And he says see you go to another place when you pick up the birthday card! Then I see Dragon ahead of me in line...I come up to him and he shoes me away! (I think this means I am not supposed to have a baby with Dragon, which I have been wanting a girl) So I go to the the other cashier with my card. My kids are with me...I am embarrass them (by farting I think.) And Evan is maybe two...and he says to me "I always know when you are buying a birthday card, because we end up stammering at the counter about Mitchell, and I know I never want this to happen again."
But then the play back was that I actually stood at the line and told my kids that Harry Potter movies paid for our birthday cards, and that I was actually famous! They were embarrassed because they were famous! And there had been a few other twists in the dream that told me I wasn't who I thought I was! So basically scenes keep glitching in and out and I am never in the scene I think I am. I was on stage and doing a comedian bit, and I sat with the crowd and they ridiculed me, especially for my outfit, but then I watched a commentary from another audience and they were all raving and saying how wonderful and funny I was. I was in different outfits, and the only thing that mattered to what the people were saying was what I was wearing! Its like I was flashing in and out of scenes so fast that I could grasp that people were seeing different sides to me and mostly what needed to be real was my perceptions!
So I didn't get to see who was my soulmate tonight. Of course! But I woke up with faith that no matter how bad things can seem, that God can turn them into good. Every little thing that I thought was to my detriment played back into good! Its like a glitch in my brain system, where I check out and go somewhere else...a missing part of me that is still unresolved. But I know there will be an answer to that someday, I just have to have faith that it is out there for me. I don't know ultimately who I love or who my soul mate is, just that he is!
I sure hope this is some sort of break through in my dreams. It would be so nice to have good dreams again! If I can just keep the faith in my dreams, maybe I can keep it when reality is trying to get me down. I know there is a purpose in all this, wouldn't be for nothing. I am excited for my destiny...its kind of thrilling and an adventure!
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