Losing a Dream

Somewhere along the line I have lost my muse.  Both the prior posted poems were written when I was deep in my illness. Not so anymore. I am normal. Healthy...looking for full time work. Forgetting  I wanted to write a second book and all my ideas for it.  I think I might be one of those writers that only gets recognized after I am dead. I'm not getting rich on it that's for sure.

I am trudging into normalcy. Have not been in the hospital for almost a year.  I am not really so creative anymore and I settle for a non romantic romance. I should think with how romantic I am, I would want someone equally passionate???  But no I settle for Dragon and what little I get out of him  anymore. It's pathetic and because of fear of the unknown.  I should at least be with someone who is intrigued by me and is pumped up by my creative energy and encouraging of it.  It's just that I have bought into "what is success." And to most success is working full time...being well enough to handle  the kids and work, and staying sober.

I am driven for sure...but at what cost?

The Captain Pirate Somewhere...
Is somewhere out there waiting.
I can hear his laughter and delight in me.

As the cold and empty pillow beside me reminds me, he is not there.