Always to an end it seems. I have decided to self publish my book. The company in London wanted a few grand, and well I don't seem to have that on hand! I have ordered my proof of Fairytale of a Felony Stalker for final review. I have decided to go with a more "original version." Meaning I took out the psychedelic add-ons and made it my true as happening "recovery memoir." It is powerful in itself, the way things unfolded those three years ago...the after shocks of insanity can be saved for another book!
The barest of the first book, is that I was in love and candidly quite rational and hopeful for a speedy recovery. I had planned to bestow the writings only to Adam on my first sobriety birthday with a triumphant SEE, LOOK WHAT I CAN DO! I never planned to publish this memoir while I was writing it. It was a love letter. A 300 page love letter, lol!
God is good, but he is also strange! My memoir writing and love was and is, some of the best memories of my life. So alive and vibrant I was! And innocent! Like a junior high crush. AND I think what astounded me the most was that I had that capacity to love!!! Like wow, this is what it feels like!!! To strive for the best because you love another soul!
So I returned my book to what it was before I went insane...simply for the fact that is what God told me to do. There is no need to shock the world with my insanity findings in my first publication. I had riddled the entire work, with my psycho babble and made it truely detached and void of reality. I want the reader of my recovery work to feel what is was at the time to me...God's masterpiece in my life.
I still feel I am God's masterpiece and a work in progress. The work has become harder as I mature, and the frolics of yesteryears have become an intricate and deeply psychological battle. As I dig deeper into recovery in a frankly terrifying fashion I can see God's hand in every step of the way. And I know that loving Adam is part of it. I know that loving Dragon is part of it. I know that finding love in me, is part of it.
I am genuinely excited to be self publishing. It really takes the edge off of my need to be "discovered." And I don't think that God wants me in the spot light right now. I couldn't handle it quite honestly and He is working on getting me "right sized." A difficult task when my illness tells me the whole world already knows who I am! LOL. Difficult is not the right word! But be still my heart anyway...I am a legend in my own mind!
Much love today. Its a good day to serve the Lord! Amen!
The barest of the first book, is that I was in love and candidly quite rational and hopeful for a speedy recovery. I had planned to bestow the writings only to Adam on my first sobriety birthday with a triumphant SEE, LOOK WHAT I CAN DO! I never planned to publish this memoir while I was writing it. It was a love letter. A 300 page love letter, lol!
God is good, but he is also strange! My memoir writing and love was and is, some of the best memories of my life. So alive and vibrant I was! And innocent! Like a junior high crush. AND I think what astounded me the most was that I had that capacity to love!!! Like wow, this is what it feels like!!! To strive for the best because you love another soul!
So I returned my book to what it was before I went insane...simply for the fact that is what God told me to do. There is no need to shock the world with my insanity findings in my first publication. I had riddled the entire work, with my psycho babble and made it truely detached and void of reality. I want the reader of my recovery work to feel what is was at the time to me...God's masterpiece in my life.
I still feel I am God's masterpiece and a work in progress. The work has become harder as I mature, and the frolics of yesteryears have become an intricate and deeply psychological battle. As I dig deeper into recovery in a frankly terrifying fashion I can see God's hand in every step of the way. And I know that loving Adam is part of it. I know that loving Dragon is part of it. I know that finding love in me, is part of it.
I am genuinely excited to be self publishing. It really takes the edge off of my need to be "discovered." And I don't think that God wants me in the spot light right now. I couldn't handle it quite honestly and He is working on getting me "right sized." A difficult task when my illness tells me the whole world already knows who I am! LOL. Difficult is not the right word! But be still my heart anyway...I am a legend in my own mind!
Much love today. Its a good day to serve the Lord! Amen!