My psychologist said and confirmed today my split ego. He said I created a person in my mind to protect me. Maybe that is where Eve comes from, maybe that is Adam, or Jake or my connection to my brothers. Or my sisters. I've always thought spiritually I have a twin. We talked about the night at 15 when I was raped and he called it PTSD...and that's the night I believe I was separated into two sides of a coin. Good and evil, and the battle Armageddon in my mind. It reminds me of the song "Zombie" by the Cranberries.Although always I did have the tendency for questioning my place in this world, it was that very night, where the dark and light met...and I made a vow before God.
But he states this "DOCTOR OF PSYCHOLOGY," that I created a protector in my own psyche. That I could not protect my vulnerability so the psychosis was created...of there being other places where this never happened. This and that, never happened and a splicing in my mind that makes me feel as though I were crossing through realms. Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. Sometimes twenty years feels like a nightmare, and sometimes its just eight hours of sleep, and sometimes I can make my desire for a cigarette switch souls until it comes out the tailpipe of a truck! Is this what is known as tracers? Or hallucinations? If I can create this type of brain talking and feel it to be so real, then it has to be spiritual inside me. The doctor says no...it's chemical, its in your brain! um...
For some reason I am currently with a psychologist that won't let me delve into spiritual matters too much. He is my reality base. He is science, and I am nature. He says "data" or information, is all we have to go on...well I say "tomato!" I do fight with my own mind in such predictable ways now...and it is a serious battle to find the correct behaviors or actions in some moments, and other times it flows effortlessly, and that must be the good side winning, or what is know as "serenity." You know the angel on one shoulder and the demon on the other...and well my psychologist said that I am starting to not need the "psyche" protector I created and it is like a threat to my ecostructure. Everyone has an opinion!
I am going to end this tonight with saying that sobriety is the hardest thing I have ever done. It opened up a huge can of worms. But it is well with my soul...And don't you remember the children's book "How to Eat Fried Green Worms?" Something like that! Or was it tomatoes??? I don't know, but it was all canned, and my dinner is a delicious smorgasbord of adventure. And for that I am grateful.
But he states this "DOCTOR OF PSYCHOLOGY," that I created a protector in my own psyche. That I could not protect my vulnerability so the psychosis was created...of there being other places where this never happened. This and that, never happened and a splicing in my mind that makes me feel as though I were crossing through realms. Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. Sometimes twenty years feels like a nightmare, and sometimes its just eight hours of sleep, and sometimes I can make my desire for a cigarette switch souls until it comes out the tailpipe of a truck! Is this what is known as tracers? Or hallucinations? If I can create this type of brain talking and feel it to be so real, then it has to be spiritual inside me. The doctor says no...it's chemical, its in your brain! um...
For some reason I am currently with a psychologist that won't let me delve into spiritual matters too much. He is my reality base. He is science, and I am nature. He says "data" or information, is all we have to go on...well I say "tomato!" I do fight with my own mind in such predictable ways now...and it is a serious battle to find the correct behaviors or actions in some moments, and other times it flows effortlessly, and that must be the good side winning, or what is know as "serenity." You know the angel on one shoulder and the demon on the other...and well my psychologist said that I am starting to not need the "psyche" protector I created and it is like a threat to my ecostructure. Everyone has an opinion!
I am going to end this tonight with saying that sobriety is the hardest thing I have ever done. It opened up a huge can of worms. But it is well with my soul...And don't you remember the children's book "How to Eat Fried Green Worms?" Something like that! Or was it tomatoes??? I don't know, but it was all canned, and my dinner is a delicious smorgasbord of adventure. And for that I am grateful.