AAAARRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!
Do you know what it is like to want something so bad, you make it feel real? Do it all in your head? Make up a whole story, and I don't even know how I did it? I didn't just pretend. It was real to me...and now I am settling for empty arms and its so fukn frustrating!!!
I am a huge lover, HUGE! Too much! Too much passion, too much romance...too much psychotic connection, and for what? To be home alone again? AND its still for Adam! And Dragon is ridiculous! I am ridiculous! It's empty now, and I keep going back to him? I am bigger than that! Even my romance with my laptap is better than settling for something empty, at least then I can get lost in a real romance! Tangled up all night with my psychosis? Yeah that sounds healthy too, but better than a routine of back and forth of not passion, not romance, just because its comfortable to not be alone?
Yes, I still want what I can't have. I will go mad if I don't eventually get what I want...OK so I've already done that part! I am not realistic though...in a pretty fairytale the hero would have showed up by now, at least made a guest appearance! I just want my heart to pitter patter that way it did when I saw him, its been too long! And I have lived off those feelings for how long? I am insane! Even when I am not insane, I am insane to believe in love! Arrrrrgghhhhhh! Making love to me on the bottom of the ocean? Arrrggggghhhh...come on that is not real! That is just what I want! And that shit is so beautiful it makes me cry!!! But like come on for real he wants me behind bars! Jesus! Mary! And Joseph! Stop believing in fantasies! (Even though Pearl Harvest is one of my favorites so far!!!)
My mind is so freaking strange. I don't know how it makes things up like it does! I don't know??? And not understanding it is too much! Damn, like I don't know why I can see other realms and dream in other realms, and write these fantastical stories, and be so fukn alone in reality!!! How have I lived off this love for so long? And why? WHY?
I guess its what I needed to do. I have often thought that I just pretended Adam loved me because I had to believe in love, and that he wouldn't truly be an absolute asshole and hate me! But that still doesn't explain all the breaks from reality pointing to him!!! WTF? Arrrrrggggghhhh I am so frustrated!
And I heard this song tonight and of course it made me think about Adam. Fuk it. Just fuk it anyhow! Damn stupid. Love is stupid. Tick-tock. Fukn good night.
Do you know what it is like to want something so bad, you make it feel real? Do it all in your head? Make up a whole story, and I don't even know how I did it? I didn't just pretend. It was real to me...and now I am settling for empty arms and its so fukn frustrating!!!
I am a huge lover, HUGE! Too much! Too much passion, too much romance...too much psychotic connection, and for what? To be home alone again? AND its still for Adam! And Dragon is ridiculous! I am ridiculous! It's empty now, and I keep going back to him? I am bigger than that! Even my romance with my laptap is better than settling for something empty, at least then I can get lost in a real romance! Tangled up all night with my psychosis? Yeah that sounds healthy too, but better than a routine of back and forth of not passion, not romance, just because its comfortable to not be alone?
Yes, I still want what I can't have. I will go mad if I don't eventually get what I want...OK so I've already done that part! I am not realistic though...in a pretty fairytale the hero would have showed up by now, at least made a guest appearance! I just want my heart to pitter patter that way it did when I saw him, its been too long! And I have lived off those feelings for how long? I am insane! Even when I am not insane, I am insane to believe in love! Arrrrrgghhhhhh! Making love to me on the bottom of the ocean? Arrrggggghhhh...come on that is not real! That is just what I want! And that shit is so beautiful it makes me cry!!! But like come on for real he wants me behind bars! Jesus! Mary! And Joseph! Stop believing in fantasies! (Even though Pearl Harvest is one of my favorites so far!!!)
My mind is so freaking strange. I don't know how it makes things up like it does! I don't know??? And not understanding it is too much! Damn, like I don't know why I can see other realms and dream in other realms, and write these fantastical stories, and be so fukn alone in reality!!! How have I lived off this love for so long? And why? WHY?
I guess its what I needed to do. I have often thought that I just pretended Adam loved me because I had to believe in love, and that he wouldn't truly be an absolute asshole and hate me! But that still doesn't explain all the breaks from reality pointing to him!!! WTF? Arrrrrggggghhhh I am so frustrated!
And I heard this song tonight and of course it made me think about Adam. Fuk it. Just fuk it anyhow! Damn stupid. Love is stupid. Tick-tock. Fukn good night.