Death?

I felt like dying this morning...but there are so many more books to write!
I am in confusion of what really the purpose is of the psychosis and why I come back to normal and why I can't seem to support myself financially. You see I was feeling well and thinking about a job and then I just crash in a two day period. Like seriously I don't understand my emotions and how they control me.

Yes, just like that for two hours...thought death sounded more stable.  I wonder how many other people just go through this deep of shit, on the regular? For real,  I am curious! My head is cray cray...there is a lot to live for, maybe I shouldn't even say I go there with my thoughts, because then people get all up in arms.

I called my mom. She got mad because she says a lot of people don't know the reason or purpose for half the shit that happens in life, and they go on just the same. I always think my plate is so much bigger though, and I've somehow taken more than my helping of problems. Yeah just let me get another helping of the "fukt up" please...yeah sounds good... cause I was seriously thinking about getting a job...self defeat? I don't know? Always something. Always.

I need a vacation. Life is too damn much. And I am wiped out. Emotionally exhausting. My engine is fried, my goose is cooked. My cylinders are stuck on stuck...and well, I was well. Well then.

Be well! Just be well then.

Oh and I needed a cheeseburger. The new Bacon Gouda Cheeseburger from Wendy's is a life savor!