Excerpt from "Fairytale of a Felony Stalker..."
“Cross-Over”
I never know I
am in the spiritual realm, when I am there.
It is so real, and who are all of you to know where I am? And so really my crossover happened in an
instant, eight days after the restraining order. I do switch much between
accepting the word mental illness, and spiritual realm…so bare that in mind how
I suffer. I was literally in reality just putting together some stuff that
reminded me of you. Then I put more
stuff with it, and I was like Holy shit it’s the rapture, quickly what else do
I need to pack? So you see the list and by the time I was done packing I was in
the realm.
Mat Keirney has
played such a role in our love story.
“Ships in the Night” is the theme song and I had to ask my kids to stop
requesting it, because maybe it would make me go nuts and go to jail again. That part about “finding my way back to you”
aggravates me…because I am just crazy enough to believe like that, and there is
a lifetime restraining order in place.
It’s Samuel’s favorite song and he is like a robot asking for “Chips ina
Night.” I have been to jail three times now.
Me in jail? It went well, especially the first time when I was taking a
princess shower in the co-ed filth, laughing because my mug shot was like
getting my face off a milk carton. All
those girls were so sweet and just what a great part of my story! I had found all the lost girls like me…the
beat up, rejected, sexually abused ones…the forgotten of society. And I had ran into an old colleague who told
me to treat it like part of my education.
So I assertively took notes, about all the things I learned in
jail! Neat! Oh and so romantic because now I know how you
must have felt doing time…I did four days and I was psychotic. I screamed in
the middle of the night once, because I was hearing voices that I guess weren’t
really there, says my celli, what a sweetie she was too. Mentally ill and locked up. I did that for you baby! Did some research! Our system is jacked up…we need asylums…I
watched a documentary on that some years ago and now I have lived it, so
thanks. Oooh and nasty been used up by
everyone, underwear? I just laughed and
called it the real Victoria’ Secret! It
was all pretty magical, let me tell you!
Such joy in my first ever jail experience! I was “doing time” for you! Romance.
Back to the
crossover. Just a little pile of things that made me think of you. I don’t know at what point I believe I was
headed to heaven, but I found everything about me I could never find in any
other psychosis and it went into a box.
And I wrote all over it…Million dollar story! I wrote our birthdates and “true love” and it
was filled with everything in my house that held a memory in my life. Well then I was going to take it and drop it
off on your porch and all this was making sense, but this the day my car
wouldn’t start from the garbage truck hitting it! Imagine if my soul box had appeared on your
door step? But anyway as you know I need
a soul mate and need to pack to get out of hell every time…never ever, knew
what to pack! So I began packing with
your few things and by the time I was done packing the items I found in my own
home, I was raptured into heaven!
By this time my
sister had noticed I was putting some strange posts on Facebook. My mom showed up. I was so happy! Heaven is so amazing, and we were about to be
so damn rich. I was ecstatically telling
my mom about being your soul mate. She
made me go in my room and try and take a nap.
The cops came because I do believe I announced to the world on Facebook
with your picture none the less, that for sure you were my soul mate. The police report says I was drinking and
that’s why they couldn’t talk to me, nope just psycho-spiritual. Sober through all this….oh I am so badass! My mom took me to my therapist…they both
thought I was manic…no I skipped a lot of that and was now in an altered
reality. It was July 24th, only 8 days since I saw you in
court. And mind you I did not know I was
manic at all.
I was getting ready
for us getting married in heaven in front of all of eternity. Because it turns out I was never the most
evil woman to ever roam the earth, I was the most ever celebrated
princess! You were the top prince and we
had always been promised to each other, and I saw what you looked like as a
little boy, a vision…awwww! You had
always been the one I was searching for in my dreams. Destined.
So my whole life played backwards like a movie, every painful thing,
every wrong thing I had ever done or happened to me was not seen in the spirit
reel. I was never raped…and you were my
first! I was so filled with joy and all
of eternity was watching my every move.
Just like in the dark ones. God
was gonna take my scars away and I was getting all beautiful for you. I was in the ER room, laughing so filled with
joy…all my pain seemed funny after this turn of events. I had always been the top princess, but nobody
could tell me, until I got to heaven.
Men had actually been bidding on me to be with me and were other
princes. And how I was found as the top princess was how I always repeat myself
and my stories over and over. “Oh you
got run over by a car?’ Because
seriously anything embarrassing happens to me I always repeat it. I talk about my past to everybody like it
matters so much, and the take on my life and the things I understood made it
all hilarious. All my life was hilarious
and was telling everybody jokes and understanding the irony of all my pain,
because it had always been for a purpose. Seeing it all play out backwards, was
amazing. I was seeing my heaven reel…and
now I believe everyone has a heaven reel like that. I think of Mary who took her life last year,
and how much pain she was in…I know she is so happy in heaven. I believe the people who have it the hardest
on earth are the most blessed in heaven!
Top princesses and warriors!