Round Saw Battle...

Clearly when you wake up in the morning and think of death first off, some "thing" is attacking. Clearly when after the fact when I looked at the rainbow in the beautiful morning sky and remembered someday God will explain this all to everybody in a language they comprehend, and it is promised to me that they will all come back in a vision I have already scene....clearly.

Then why the hell do I look at the round saw on the patio and have the thought that if I turned it on I could quickly cut my neck off?  Odd.  Clearly... woke up in a negative spirit, thinking of all the people that have left my life.  Pretty much 99 percent of people do not understand me and walk on.  Its a blatant obvious attack on my life.  You know how I said that for the most part my nightmares were healed in 2013 with my trip to heaven?  Well now they are for real in my life and in my waking hours.  I decided that death is the obvious choice for me, but wouldn't it be so much cooler to walk this all out and see what the heck is going to happen???

Like for reals for reals I am famous in another place.  Like for reals, for reals...I know this. Like my voice gets heard like thunder, and I am not a shadow boxer.  Like I am a for real warrior, and none I say none of this here, or lost, or left me, matters in the end. If I hadn't met my sold mate, and seen the heaven side, and I am not figurative, like I really see a completely different world...then I may just lack faith on the subject.

Increasingly I feel such a earthly need.  A need for approval, a need for affection and love.  Increasingly I see I don't get that here. No security blanket or pacifier for me to be seen.  Off in left fukn field alone for a reason.  And sooner or later there is gonna be a home run hit attempt, and I got to be ready to jump up into the crowd and catch that ball. Have I ever told you that I am a freakishly good catcher?  The flip side is that I throw like shit...but Oh I was meant to catch the out in left field fly ball.

Confusion.  Serious set in.  And when I think of death...that would be easy wouldn't it.  But I think that is what is wanted on the evil side.  I think of all the sneering faces of nightmares past, when  I would think I needed to die, for a cause.  One face particular of someone I do not know, smiled in sheer pleasure, when I said I had had enough...when I mention the word "suicide."  And over and over in all my nightmares the theme was that I had to kill myself to get out of the nightmare.  Isn't that such an obvious tactic of the enemy?

And when people on the Flatt side laugh and mock me when I say, "I am somehow important, relevant and special...well?"  Well I say. Well.  Should my life be so difficult and fukn odd, if I wasn't somehow important, relevant and special to this world?

What is God preparing me for?

These last few days I have felt completely Lost at See.  I am not doing something correctly in one world or the other.  I am in a distraction of my life's calling.  I am sitting on my hands and playing house. You know like for Flatt.  Playing House in Flatt.

Like Oh you need a damn toaster.  Passionate about?  Toasters and shower curtains. Fukn A+ waste of my time. Call me Darth Papa Abba Father and give me some fukn direction please!!!  I said when I was called over, I would be ready and that you should wield me like a weapon. I not being the violent type, but I could tell you how to round saw the head off of a demon.

For seventeen years I battled in my sleep. I could tell you as a Huntress, skilled and sharp, and dismayed of Flatt, that in particular my energy, is being diverted to: toasters and shower curtains...and since I am aware...I am aware.  So get my gear. My flabby ass Flatt World body, full of scars and med toxins, is ready for my Fight Suit.

Should it be in night mares or days mares...prepare me Lord for battle. And that is what I say this very morning...to whomever put in my head the Round Saw Battle.

Amen.
Shalom.
Brothers.
Sisters.