I have often wondered if would have lived through this entire healing process had I not loved. Had I not written to Adam no matter the cost, and if the courts had told me to stop? The court system is beyond punishing for texts. Assault charges and PFMA charges carry less weight then what I did. Which was text my love and healing process to a dude that it overwhelmed.
I wrote to an online magazine last night. The article called "Slut Shaming," peaked an interest in me. It is about how woman in our society are ridiculed and shaped at a young age to fit a role, far before they have chosen it.
So yes, my virginity was raped at fifteen, when I was too shy to kiss. And yes, I was a drunk two years later. And also, yes I had never felt love or affection from being physical until Adam...and yes I think that made me insane. Psychosis can be from sexual trauma Ptsd, and I think what I went through the past few years was a healing. I have been restored, I hope and pray because the legal nightmare is beyond what anyone should go through.
I guess dealing in the realm of legalities, had I not continued to choose my love for Adam over hate and resentment facing my past and knowing what had happened to me would have been far too painful.
I know I have put so much on Adam...and I don't even know for sure who he is. Three years of sobriety almost...and I have loved more than I have ever loved. And it has been something so hard to explain to people, and it has been so hard to even try to let go of what I have experienced.
I have someone that loves me.
That doesn't punish me for an illness I never asked for...
I really wish I could say that out measured all this.
Which is just my soulo romance...just my miracle...
And in fact,
My love escaped a long time ago.
And now he is just a hero in my mind...
And maybe some heroes aren't meant to fly by your side,
Maybe they are assholes, just the same.
And maybe, just maybe, I loved an asshole for all the right reasons.
All the right reasons.
I wrote to an online magazine last night. The article called "Slut Shaming," peaked an interest in me. It is about how woman in our society are ridiculed and shaped at a young age to fit a role, far before they have chosen it.
So yes, my virginity was raped at fifteen, when I was too shy to kiss. And yes, I was a drunk two years later. And also, yes I had never felt love or affection from being physical until Adam...and yes I think that made me insane. Psychosis can be from sexual trauma Ptsd, and I think what I went through the past few years was a healing. I have been restored, I hope and pray because the legal nightmare is beyond what anyone should go through.
I guess dealing in the realm of legalities, had I not continued to choose my love for Adam over hate and resentment facing my past and knowing what had happened to me would have been far too painful.
I know I have put so much on Adam...and I don't even know for sure who he is. Three years of sobriety almost...and I have loved more than I have ever loved. And it has been something so hard to explain to people, and it has been so hard to even try to let go of what I have experienced.
I have someone that loves me.
That doesn't punish me for an illness I never asked for...
I really wish I could say that out measured all this.
Which is just my soulo romance...just my miracle...
And in fact,
My love escaped a long time ago.
And now he is just a hero in my mind...
And maybe some heroes aren't meant to fly by your side,
Maybe they are assholes, just the same.
And maybe, just maybe, I loved an asshole for all the right reasons.
All the right reasons.