Dude I guess I had some shit to say to this dude...holy crap!!! This was pre-full-blown-psychosis in 2013. Man oh man I have put real dude through way too much. I don't know if it was my imagination today seeing someone in a white truck flipping me off? But I mean sorry I am a weirdo and this fantanaorgismical stuff just happens to us per chance? I will in vitro and become not an octomom but a seragate ninomom, for the first person to explain to me how my head did all that story lead up subconsciously for 17 fukn years? Cause all the answers I get thus far are non answers...ah this shit making me nauseous! On and on...bleck it!
Written Summer 2013
Dear Adam,
You are my soul mate, and I have a 413 page life story book
for you to read about why this is so. I
wrote 280 pages to you for some reason unknown, until after the restraining
order hearing. Aunna said to write to
you if I missed you and so I did everyday for four months about my recovery and
growth process. I am not psycho, that is
only your spiritual perception, because God led me through everyday of this. It is spiritual the way you have rejected me
and it has been perfect for me…just perfect.
Do you remember the last nice thing you said to me? You said take five months and your life will
get better. February 17, I made a list
of who I was before I drank. My fifteen
list. About 20 items I wanted to reunify
with. All have happened…well close,
still struggling with bumming smokes. It
is because of you and writing and healing with my book, called “Soul
Appointments.” Every goal is pretty much
met and on July 17, the day after the restraining order, is the day my
therapist brought up soul mates and connections. Five months to the day, exactly what you said
to me! And I have had entire life revelations
connecting it all since the 17th~ of July!
The Fifteen list February 17th, 2013
Before I Drank
I had never kissed a boy.
I read lots of books.
I could do the splits
I was very smart.
I went the extra mile.
I wrote short stories and poems
I played the violin.
I played volleyball
I didn’t hurt so many people.
I listened to other people.
I believed in God.
I had many friends.
I didn’t smoke.
I loved to dance
I could run
I was quiet
I was nervous
I obeyed my mother
I could tell myself no
I trusted myself
I loved my family
I had dreams
I didn’t mind being alone
I was never hungover
I knew who I was
I felt safe
I wanted to be a doctor
Today I have five months sober. Although tonight I do feel very alone…it is
not so bad. I am getting more
comfortable with who I am and am enjoying this self-discovery process. Just got rejected big time by Adam, but I
deserved it. He really is a very good
guy. I like him a lot…wish he believed
in God though. Cannot change that about
him though, only God could. Shouldn’t
make him my goal anyway....Exactly 5 months later...
We are yin and yang
soul mates. This means that everything,
even our opposites line up perfectly.
The fact that you don’t believe in the spiritual realm, and are not a
Christian bothered me while we were together. In fact I could not even stay in
your bed because my nightmares told me to run from you. I was also told in my nightmare to stop
writing my book because it would change my life, and I could not have my
precious “Raposey Wosey.” It was the
demonic trying to get me to reject our union. Your tattoos on you were also to
scare me away. They made me fear you because they are not in line with my
beliefs. Evil centaur, and a
wizard…whoa! Creepy, just like you think
I am! Haha, I never touched your neck,
you weirdo!
I love everything else about you. The way you walk, the way you talk. Everything.
I felt turned on by you on our first date when you measured me for a
belt. I havn’t understood all of this
until recently. I have been sending our story to agents. This is our rag to riches story, because you
are my spiritual prince…and I haven’t been a princess in my head since 15 when
I was raped. Possibly even since the
womb, because my kingdom has been locked.
You reminded me I was God’s daughter by treating me right. And then my spirit would not accept your
rejection. Not once did I lose sight of you, although other men were placed in
my life as distraction.
I want you to read my life story and see if you agree with
what I am saying. We are going to be a
famous and wealthy couple and have to go on talk shows and shit, if I am
right. I will use our money from the
book to go to med school to be a holistic psychologist, which is the last thing
on my fifteen list. I was going to be a doctor 20 years ago. All these dreams were 20 years ago! And they are all coming true because of you
and I being together. You can custom our
homes, and I want one in California for your kids and school. One in Billings to keep in touch. One in New York for fun, and one in Maui just
to piss Old Bob off. He has been trying to
convince me to sleep with him for months.
Even said he would give me a baby girl as an heir, and set me up for
life. Thank God I told him no. You can custom our homes and work on your
talent whenever you want, or we can just enjoy vacations, and all the things
we’ve never had in our lives of poverty.
I have so much faith that I am right…and God put that faith in me and it
has all lined out perfectly in just five months. Except the full splits because I stopped
stretching. haha
Please process this.
Think about what you want to do. Its all good to me, believe me. Perfect.
I had an amends that I brought to court, like I said before I made all
the connections to my entire life story! It was just about all the good things
that had happened to me by knowing you. It was a thank you letter! Maybe you should bite off the thank you
letter before chew on the whole book.
Might be helpful that way. OH MY
GOD THIS IS HUGE! FUDGING HUGE I AM
TELLING YOU BIG!
You
broke my code Adam! You unlocked my heart
in a big way! Like a life changing
way! It is an act of GOD! A STRAIGHT UP MIRACLE FOR BOTH OF US! YOU ARE MY SOULMATE!!! YOU LITERALLY HEALED MY SOUL SICKNESS! SINCE THE FUDGING WOMB! THIS IS THE LOVE STORY OF A LIFETIME. AN ALL AMERICAN STORY! OMG. I AM GOING TO BE A DOCTOR!!! SOMEWHERE OVER THE FUDGING RAINBOW! NO WAY.
I AM FREAKING OUT! I HOPE YOU
UNDERSTAND WHY I NEEDED TO TELL YOU NOW!
LIKE NOW, BECAUSE IT HAS BEEN FIVE MONTHS!