I was overdosed on a shot of Abilify today. I am only one and a huge office of behavioral health patients that get that shot. I had seizure like symptoms. The nurse Nicked a blood vessel and was like oh you are really bleeding here, and I said shouldn't be a subcutaneous shot because it lasts all month?
I went out to my car and had shooting pain down my leg which had not happened the other two times I had had the shot. I got nauseous and my eyes started to shake, my sleep was slurred, and obviously still kind of is? My regular doc wasn't there, and at the end of all of their attentiveness and worry, they told me I had a panic attack? So basically some of the shot that is supposed to last a month went directly into my bloodstream. There is more to the story where a nurse is crying and we both think that I could die and I say that it is okay, and that I've made peace with whatever happens to me in this life as it is God's William...
So obviously I know that that was not a panic attack, I know they were trying to cover up for a mistake! And I have just enough medical knowledge to be completely dangerous to what they were trying to tell me. And I am just enough outraged that this happened, and freaked out how it fits so well with what I wrote last night. The weirdest thing is that in my writing I was saying SH IT...and the voice recognition kept saying shocked I mean shocked I mean shot! And I just had to type that shit.
Now if I reread what I wrote March 15, I am astounded that today I believed I was going to die from a overdose of a psychiatric medication. I know that my perception of how the nurses were reacting was serious. Because I have been around many many medical care professionals that would play off as if it were all in my head the whole time and not be shaking and crying with me? And and also say I was the one to give you the shot if you die. And dye I have not, but here's what we will tell you next!
They kept telling me I needed to go to the ER, and I kept saying I have had enough of this business. I said that I wrote down all I needed to say about my life and what I want to see happen for people like me. I said I wanted a DNR in place. Because sometimes life is more important when taken, then lived. I specifically said that I was not suicidal but that I believed in God and that he had a purpose for me writing all this down and that everyone was ignoring me in purpose also, which is of God!
So you see I have lived and died today! I wrote to tell a story to the world and only one world is listening, or so it seems. Don't we all sleep and wake and have the same stability? The answer is no. The answer is some days I wake in darkness and other days to heaven. There is a place beyond space and time, Where existence is based upon perception and the light in my eyes screams to be heard, and then I awake and millions are cheering. How did pot do this to me? So strange that I have never done any hallucinogens? Did I choose this? Did I control in someway? Could I be any different? What I call spiritual is called mental illness, so is mental illness a choice? Did I pick to be injected and rejected and subjected? And then I wake up.
It's so lopsided it's uncanny! Day and night, Nitin day! One world to the other world… So I must figure out why its all at once everybody understands and is at peace, then the next all is in chaos. I need to see the place where everyone understands to tell the place that no one does, that there is a better way.
There is a website called awaken in the dream… I want to research that. And just when I was getting settled in to one team less drama… I mean wanting and one team would be ideal? Right.
I went out to my car and had shooting pain down my leg which had not happened the other two times I had had the shot. I got nauseous and my eyes started to shake, my sleep was slurred, and obviously still kind of is? My regular doc wasn't there, and at the end of all of their attentiveness and worry, they told me I had a panic attack? So basically some of the shot that is supposed to last a month went directly into my bloodstream. There is more to the story where a nurse is crying and we both think that I could die and I say that it is okay, and that I've made peace with whatever happens to me in this life as it is God's William...
So obviously I know that that was not a panic attack, I know they were trying to cover up for a mistake! And I have just enough medical knowledge to be completely dangerous to what they were trying to tell me. And I am just enough outraged that this happened, and freaked out how it fits so well with what I wrote last night. The weirdest thing is that in my writing I was saying SH IT...and the voice recognition kept saying shocked I mean shocked I mean shot! And I just had to type that shit.
Now if I reread what I wrote March 15, I am astounded that today I believed I was going to die from a overdose of a psychiatric medication. I know that my perception of how the nurses were reacting was serious. Because I have been around many many medical care professionals that would play off as if it were all in my head the whole time and not be shaking and crying with me? And and also say I was the one to give you the shot if you die. And dye I have not, but here's what we will tell you next!
They kept telling me I needed to go to the ER, and I kept saying I have had enough of this business. I said that I wrote down all I needed to say about my life and what I want to see happen for people like me. I said I wanted a DNR in place. Because sometimes life is more important when taken, then lived. I specifically said that I was not suicidal but that I believed in God and that he had a purpose for me writing all this down and that everyone was ignoring me in purpose also, which is of God!
So you see I have lived and died today! I wrote to tell a story to the world and only one world is listening, or so it seems. Don't we all sleep and wake and have the same stability? The answer is no. The answer is some days I wake in darkness and other days to heaven. There is a place beyond space and time, Where existence is based upon perception and the light in my eyes screams to be heard, and then I awake and millions are cheering. How did pot do this to me? So strange that I have never done any hallucinogens? Did I choose this? Did I control in someway? Could I be any different? What I call spiritual is called mental illness, so is mental illness a choice? Did I pick to be injected and rejected and subjected? And then I wake up.
It's so lopsided it's uncanny! Day and night, Nitin day! One world to the other world… So I must figure out why its all at once everybody understands and is at peace, then the next all is in chaos. I need to see the place where everyone understands to tell the place that no one does, that there is a better way.
There is a website called awaken in the dream… I want to research that. And just when I was getting settled in to one team less drama… I mean wanting and one team would be ideal? Right.