I dont know why but I have sorrow today...just a feeling of emptiness and sadness of the reality of this world. All of it, not just me. Its blah. Yuck and I dont know what it is I am suppose to be doing for sure. And I am so sad I am sick...physically sick. I am working and I think...is this it? Is this really it?
I typically have an anticipitory wait and see approach, but today I feel homesick for I dont know where, and lovesick for a man I dont even know. The soul is certainly strange, to feel this shift, almost as if I am sensing something is not right....and I know that within me lately there has been such a searching...this flatt plane of exsistence is hard for me. I know I am more, and all I am right now is confused.
I need someone that can explain what happens to me...and make it a good thing please...and not completely fukd up.
So I am confused, miss a man I dont know, and totally totally empty feeling...meh just a feeling it will go away.
So anyway that was a few hours ago, and feelings arent facts...Sobriety 101. And I say so what? So what to all of it! Romance...writing...fake lovers that I write about...so what? I mean really if real man was even like not dull and boring and a wuss, I would probably still think he was the shit...but the fact is all this wondering what to do for my future...yeah guess what...ima get like a job and like be sane for a minute. Okay said job I want of course is flexible for my craziness, and in fact helping others with their craziness...anyway off point. Really so what to all of this, him, books, feelings...just so what????
My point is all this wondering about should I write the 2nd book and be a nutjob cause the book is totally amazing, and fantasy rocks my cage, way more than any mind numbingly boring felony reality...um or continue in the flatt plain...plane...you know the one you are reading this from...sitting in a chair, maybe listening to classical music...idk, but see you are there in the Flatt World. The World of Flatt...its in my book! I wish I could juggle a kid, 12 hours reality, and then be creative to write for like two three hours at night...but its not like that, either I am into it or I am not...but I am so excited about my beginning! wooo...loca chica
Normal life is exhausting me...cant wait to be done with court. Wow over a year now serving the system weekly, daily...something every day for them. Two texts to me lover for that sentence alone...damn someones important! Pardon me whilst I burst into flames...Sorry but I was insane, or else I wouldnt have done it. I dont know how to pay for this...guess I didnt have anything else planned but what you want God??? I am fricken exhausted of it being my entire life! Well at least my entire reality life...ya know?
Anyway I have a job interview...wish me luck. Or if I am not suppose to have it that means Iam suppose the write the 2nd book....which is what I really really want, between you, me and the fencepost...you know I never really speak my mind. lol. Of course I need money too...so a job would be nice between you me and the fencepost, I am totally confused about what is next???
I typically have an anticipitory wait and see approach, but today I feel homesick for I dont know where, and lovesick for a man I dont even know. The soul is certainly strange, to feel this shift, almost as if I am sensing something is not right....and I know that within me lately there has been such a searching...this flatt plane of exsistence is hard for me. I know I am more, and all I am right now is confused.
I need someone that can explain what happens to me...and make it a good thing please...and not completely fukd up.
So I am confused, miss a man I dont know, and totally totally empty feeling...meh just a feeling it will go away.
So anyway that was a few hours ago, and feelings arent facts...Sobriety 101. And I say so what? So what to all of it! Romance...writing...fake lovers that I write about...so what? I mean really if real man was even like not dull and boring and a wuss, I would probably still think he was the shit...but the fact is all this wondering what to do for my future...yeah guess what...ima get like a job and like be sane for a minute. Okay said job I want of course is flexible for my craziness, and in fact helping others with their craziness...anyway off point. Really so what to all of this, him, books, feelings...just so what????
My point is all this wondering about should I write the 2nd book and be a nutjob cause the book is totally amazing, and fantasy rocks my cage, way more than any mind numbingly boring felony reality...um or continue in the flatt plain...plane...you know the one you are reading this from...sitting in a chair, maybe listening to classical music...idk, but see you are there in the Flatt World. The World of Flatt...its in my book! I wish I could juggle a kid, 12 hours reality, and then be creative to write for like two three hours at night...but its not like that, either I am into it or I am not...but I am so excited about my beginning! wooo...loca chica
Normal life is exhausting me...cant wait to be done with court. Wow over a year now serving the system weekly, daily...something every day for them. Two texts to me lover for that sentence alone...damn someones important! Pardon me whilst I burst into flames...Sorry but I was insane, or else I wouldnt have done it. I dont know how to pay for this...guess I didnt have anything else planned but what you want God??? I am fricken exhausted of it being my entire life! Well at least my entire reality life...ya know?
Anyway I have a job interview...wish me luck. Or if I am not suppose to have it that means Iam suppose the write the 2nd book....which is what I really really want, between you, me and the fencepost...you know I never really speak my mind. lol. Of course I need money too...so a job would be nice between you me and the fencepost, I am totally confused about what is next???
Comments