Yep, its true I am not normal...I still trust a man that helped me earn two felonies. Must be a God thing or I am some kind of freak. I pondered. Its because he is the first man I have ever trusted and my psyche wont stop making up how I can continue believe in him...yes a story about Adam, but also I the goodness that I saw in real man that allowed me to fall in love and trust him with everything on paper, he never even saw! Seriously its the most romantic story ever! I remember thinking when I was writing that it was only for him to see...and how delusional of me to think he would care about my daily recovery drama? And yet since I believed whole heartedly that he did care for me, it spun out like magic.
It was 6 months into it, when I thought of publishing it...so 75% was written to Adam, as if no one else in the world would ever know what I was holding onto for him. Then in perfect measure, I go to the heaven realm for the first time...literally weeks after I had been describing my hell psychoses to Adam in my writing...dang!
So I dont know why I cant stop trusting him...all I know is I trust God is for me not against me, and He allows this between me and Adam a real man. And I can say today I am a better person...and I recovered 20 years of pain and distrust, by trusting one man. Just one human, man! If that is not powerful, I dont know what is...I trust that delusion and misperception, was of God. I also trust that all real mans actions were for my growth and not to hurt me.
And you know? Now I have something different...something big dreaming inside of me and I dont know where it is gonna take me...but before Adam, all I ever had was hiding and pretending to be somebody, to please the average world...well? I am not normal but how I do love the way God made me...and all this about Adam? Well? Trust, he is not average for God to let me spin out an entire world, about him in two years, as if I had known him for an eternity!!!
Trust me. Adam is not average.
It was 6 months into it, when I thought of publishing it...so 75% was written to Adam, as if no one else in the world would ever know what I was holding onto for him. Then in perfect measure, I go to the heaven realm for the first time...literally weeks after I had been describing my hell psychoses to Adam in my writing...dang!
So I dont know why I cant stop trusting him...all I know is I trust God is for me not against me, and He allows this between me and Adam a real man. And I can say today I am a better person...and I recovered 20 years of pain and distrust, by trusting one man. Just one human, man! If that is not powerful, I dont know what is...I trust that delusion and misperception, was of God. I also trust that all real mans actions were for my growth and not to hurt me.
And you know? Now I have something different...something big dreaming inside of me and I dont know where it is gonna take me...but before Adam, all I ever had was hiding and pretending to be somebody, to please the average world...well? I am not normal but how I do love the way God made me...and all this about Adam? Well? Trust, he is not average for God to let me spin out an entire world, about him in two years, as if I had known him for an eternity!!!
Trust me. Adam is not average.
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