Bottle of Sunshine

I cant figure out the perpetuant misery of my existense. I am heavy, and clouds rush into my soul to spell it dreary. Car broke down, dead grandpa, oldest son is moved away.  Pushed away another man "legal rules" set by the crushers of my joy. I try so hard to stay positive, I do...but I miss Adam. I feel it square in my gut and it is an empty pit of loss and sadness. I dont understand anymore, this connection, other than it is spiritual because, I am spiritual. I dont know why God let me love someone so much to turn into such dissapointment beyond measure, or why God allowed the build up of my story to such great heights, that I am so overwhelmed, and feel so alone.  I am fricken unbelievable with this shit.  I am tired and weary today.  Sobriety doesnt always feel good.

to be continued...

So tonight I am okay. I think what a magnificent story of love and healing God has given me.  How often do women get to cross over realms to find love, lol? And randomly start writing a dude an i miss you letter and will respect to leave you alone, that turns into a publishable book! I have never ever loved anyone like that!  Damn I got a heart or something!

So another night with my bottle of soul...

Bottle of sunshine,
keep her happy.
Filling feelings from favor.
Need that comfort,
thumb sucking kudos daily,
driven number one.
God taketh rung,
top rung to bottom.
Halo stolen from angles,
measured by standards,
in her mind.
Bottle to baby, keep her sunshine.
Always on top.
Every day, every day...
give her head.
Blow it up...explosion.
Shudder and shatter it to
a million pieces.
Bottle fed Madonna...
no walking on sunshine,
no mo, no mo.
So sucks.
Frightening, lightening shock
system.
Sunshine
comes from
above.
God.
Loves.
All.
Measure me not!
Not a sip from the bottle.