Okay so I been kissed alot, but I have never been in love. My sentencing is coming up and I just feel this overwhelming sadness. Just because no matter my efforts in recovery...hoop jumping, hula dancing circles around mine enemies, and standing on my nose in courtrooms...staying true blue for you know who...personal recovery triumph...it dont matter. My thoughts being generally...couldnt ya search the world ten times over...maybe shop the internet sites, date after date sucks ass, and would never find someone that loves like that? I would call it the near impossible for someone to love another through that level of bullshit. Tortured through the seven seas for that passion, hoisted up on a fukn plank for the scalliwag, the blonde hot crazy chick, standing on her tip toes, batting her eyes offering lots of gold...and lo he forgets to play Peter Pan! Although the latest version does cast a female as Peter, lmfao. I dont care who you are guessing about someones motives or "obsession" for two years...guess what? No guessing, Ive written about everything! Sane, and not so sane in a book. Who the funk writes a guy a book about all the good ways they love them and why, and ends up a felon, thus making the true love book all the more intriguing, whilst having unprecedented trips out of reality? How pray tell, does this happen besides a God with a huge sense of humor?
And the trip is I never even knew I had all this life in me, or words or anything that mattered for that matter. And here I am two years later, living on the edge, terrified of white trucks and screaming for more of this life. And yes terrified to live so bare and exploited...but all this brought me to this day...today when I can be in tears just because...and I can hurt and I can feel it...and I can dance in my kitchen like he is watching...and I can say the stupidest shit and not feel stupid...and I can write a fukn blog about how sometimes I go insane...and not hide me...under 6 layers of booze...so I can maybe black out and not get hurt some more. And thats the gist of it all folks. Is that I loved this man I fell in love with, until I loved myself...and I got to tell him everything I never told anybody, which in turn I am telling the world. Somehow I am telling this crazy story, possibly in exchange for my freedom, but all in all its my best. My best everything. And I am so thrilled to find my voice. Amen!
Really finding myself in all this has been the adventure of a lifetime...and an experience I wouldnt want to miss. I wouldn't change it if I could. Magical, really. Disney like. You Tarzan...me Jane. Welcome to the jungle baby!...by Guns and Roses.
And the trip is I never even knew I had all this life in me, or words or anything that mattered for that matter. And here I am two years later, living on the edge, terrified of white trucks and screaming for more of this life. And yes terrified to live so bare and exploited...but all this brought me to this day...today when I can be in tears just because...and I can hurt and I can feel it...and I can dance in my kitchen like he is watching...and I can say the stupidest shit and not feel stupid...and I can write a fukn blog about how sometimes I go insane...and not hide me...under 6 layers of booze...so I can maybe black out and not get hurt some more. And thats the gist of it all folks. Is that I loved this man I fell in love with, until I loved myself...and I got to tell him everything I never told anybody, which in turn I am telling the world. Somehow I am telling this crazy story, possibly in exchange for my freedom, but all in all its my best. My best everything. And I am so thrilled to find my voice. Amen!
Really finding myself in all this has been the adventure of a lifetime...and an experience I wouldnt want to miss. I wouldn't change it if I could. Magical, really. Disney like. You Tarzan...me Jane. Welcome to the jungle baby!...by Guns and Roses.