Some high society gal called me a "convict" today, well behind my back. To my face she was quite nice and understanding. LOL guess that I am a convict now...so weird this life. So I wallowed for about an hour and cried about my poverty and broken dreams and love lost...planned my ever so dramatic forever Sleeping Beauty in my white dress, I plan to wear to my sentencing. Ala classy Marilyn sans booze and nakedness. I was going to set out a picture of Adam and a picture of Jake the one I first loved in the sixth grade who died at 23... I felt very alone and I looked around and thought all I have is pictures...do I really have anybody? Everyone was ignoring me today and although it wasnt a particularly bad day, I let the idea course through my soul long enough, to get up and decide I needed a fukn sandwich...tuna fish saved my life. And plus I would have had to shower and fix my hair and makeup and shave my hairy ass legs...who really wants to go to all that trouble. So I went and picked up my bf? and just kept blubbering on the way there every time i called myself a "convict." Who would have thunk it? To me convict sounds worse than felon...but hell maybe there will be a rap song about me...oh wait there is one on the way I helped write the lyrics...my friend a Christian rap artist in Spokane...I think we called it "Daddy's Little Stalker." Yeah my dad never wanted me bfd, whateves...seems the going rate of the real world deal anyway.
So thats part of me too. I am positive there is a heaven and pretty sure I can see it just on the other side of my altered states of consciousness. Its pretty there and my love is not called creepy or dangerous...and I am certainly not "mental" or a pwt "convict." Just saying I know that realm, and I just stick it out in this one, well because i think I am suppose to for some reason.
People in the program have been giving me compliments...thats nice. I saw an old friend from when I first got sober tonight and we had gone to dinner a few times. He was one that turned his back on me in the height of all the drama...many many guy friends did. They were jealous, lol. Who wouldnt be? Belle of the fricken ball I was! Anyway it was a first step meeting and he complimented me on how well I was doing. I didnt tell him about a tuna sandwich saving my life. Anywho, another day in the life!
So thats part of me too. I am positive there is a heaven and pretty sure I can see it just on the other side of my altered states of consciousness. Its pretty there and my love is not called creepy or dangerous...and I am certainly not "mental" or a pwt "convict." Just saying I know that realm, and I just stick it out in this one, well because i think I am suppose to for some reason.
People in the program have been giving me compliments...thats nice. I saw an old friend from when I first got sober tonight and we had gone to dinner a few times. He was one that turned his back on me in the height of all the drama...many many guy friends did. They were jealous, lol. Who wouldnt be? Belle of the fricken ball I was! Anyway it was a first step meeting and he complimented me on how well I was doing. I didnt tell him about a tuna sandwich saving my life. Anywho, another day in the life!