White Truck Fraidy Cat, Mammograms...and kids.

So Adam used to have this really cool, unique, ugly, loud monster truck and I really liked it. It kinda made him look like a wild beast that I needed to tame, yeehaw!!!  I could always hear him pulling into the parking lot at Cook at 8:15.  Spot him a mile away and it was working man's truck, solid, grey, and like I said really unique!  So now he has a white Chevy Silverado and for the life of me I don't know how to watch out for it. I've never looked at it in detail, nor had the time to, so yes I freak out just about everytime I see a white truck that looks like a Chevy, which includes Fords, Dodges and basically anything not a car that is white! Why would you trade a beast for the most common truck in town?  Why why make it hard on me to know to speed off in the opposite direction like Nascar so you dont see me and think I stopped at a stop sign to say yeehaw on you...why? White trucks  make me fearful and I guess you could call it a phobia now, because they are freaking everywhere.  Wears me out!  This is too small of town to be trapped in with him, and I think he is trapped here too. I wonder if a fear of white trucks could become a classified illness in the DSM? tehe
Update.  Yes to date I am completely sketched out by white trucks. Its no way to live in my own damn town.


This morning I had a mammogram because they found basal cell carcinoma on my left breast.  That's just skin, but they made me wait two weeks for the boobie squish.  So first I can't find anywhere to park at the regional mass sickness village.  And I think of all the various sickness that doctors get paid to learn about, and never cure.  I think back to when I was at the Mental Health Advisory Board, and that science had found the suicide gene.  If they can isolate a gene for a death wish, then why can't they "release" the cure for cancer?  Pretty sure they have it! 'Money'...by Pink Floyd comes to mind.  And so this beautiful expensive hospital has a beautiful expensive suite, with all brand new top of the line furniture of course...definently poshness.  Where does this money come from?  Overpriced services, keeping us sick, I would say. My first boobie squish went well, and it didn't hurt at all...all these years ladies be saying it was painful or uncomfortable...well I guess I am tough! Not even a squint or grimace, they must be made of steel, and maybe shoot bullets (that's why Adam was scared).
I got an all clear on my boobies, that's good because I am attached to them, and I got a pink tote, for breast cancer awareness, special.  So the Breast Center is just part of a whole new huge beautiful Cancer Center.  I looked at the listing by the elevator of about 12 different departments they have in there.  All this money people!!!  If we lived in a good society that really wanted to help people and not just make money off of them, I am sure that much of the medical system would fade.  Has it ever been such an empire in any other time in history?  Do you know how many times I get told to use the ER?  The homeless that get drunk and hurt themselves...go to the ER and who pays?  Our systems are expensive and outdated, in so many ways!


And I am a mom.  Last year I gave up half my custody because I was working full time and planning to get my Masters in Social Work.  I was accepted to grad school, and agreed to it with my ex because he wanted the food stamps and child support for his growing family.  So then I had the psychosis. And all the shit that has happened it is well they are only with me on the weekends to include Friday.  My boys are scared of cops, probably pretty bent at me for all the chaos...and they want to beat up Adam and they are 7 and 4.  Anyway that is all I wish to say about my boys.  And I no longer want to be a social worker, I think God has a different plan for me now...so it all worked out in the end.

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