As with all things exciting and new to me...I have become addicted to
blogging. A week ago I found had even a goodbye and end in sight.
Knew I needed to refocus, so I said I will work on my next book. Well
that did not work when I went to the computer given to me after mine was
taken by the law, was busted and it gave me an excuse. I have been able
to use it even with missing key pads, because I am just that skilled,
haha. Now it shuts down on me and doesn't save my work...Lord bless it I
can't write a book that way and stay sane. And that is really all I
want right now is to stay sane. I have also noticed readers are less
interested in reading my blogs when I am sane...oh boo, and oh well
that's tough!
I also check my blog during the day as I used to FB, have become consumed with people removing their likes from blogs, after they have already given them. Its like Oh God what have I done now? Another issue is I have 300 plus reads on some and zero to 2 likes. I have gotten so much stronger in this area, but if it is that popular to read and is not liked...I am human and I dont want to think about that! And I am totally not cool about caring so much about something I first set up to not care so much. Such a bother and now an addiction. I don't want that to be what this is about for me. I am very proud of myself for now bein able to recognize healthy boundaries and limits for myself. And so I got to say sianarra...peace and love to psychotic bipolar addicts everywhere...as well as all "normal" humans! You bore me to pieces, haha its just a joke! No haters allowed is for real.
Just very apparent to me, that this all along has been me being prepared to be open in my own town, possibly my state and who knows. No I am not going to run out tomorrow and begin this quest. I still have a sentencing to face. I will take baby steps, I will do research, and I will slowly reintroduce myself to the professional community. I want grass roots organizations, sit on committees and do presentations. And yes I do know once you get invited to visit one committee in this town, you get invited to them all. I want to learn about legislation, history of laws in forward thinking states and maybe the ones who have taken it too far and caused more chaos. I have a lot to do...and I will probably do it for free for sometime. Eventually I want to be a Mental Healthcare Reformist as a consultant...or if I really want to get radical I will be a Rights Activist and strip down naked an front of the capitol...maybe have the flag drapped around me, haha just being silly! But I will yell "Save the humans not the dolphins!" I love dolphins they are my favorite animal...but seriously? And I would yell "Mental Illness is not a choice! Stigma breeds Hate." Did I choose insanity? Did I choose to scare the shit out of a man I was in love with? No I did not. No I was not capable of understanding that my happiness and heaven was not understood, and not real to others. Was I dangerous that happy? I dont think so...and thats why I want a judge a big judge to look take look at what has transpired. Not for just me! I am not looking for expungement or whatever that is called. I want my brothers and sisters in this battle to feel empowered. For the world to know what you see is not what you get. Just some basic humans rights, and to stand up to not be discriminated against. Do you know what is true? More peole without mentall illness commit crimes, than do the mentally ill. To peck a woman like me off as potentially violent enough to harm someone, is wrong. I couldnt and wouldnt hurt a bug...yes I dont even kill bugs...I set them free! Mostly. And did you know that statisically people with my illness are dead before 30? Usually by their own hand. Alive for a reason this "dumb" blonde, in disguise I am. Boom Boom and light up the sky! Look at me, so very not dead! God is amazing, isnt He?
So anyway I am getting passionate again. I have two felonies for my passion...thats fitting. Not about to go apeshit. Gonna wake up in the mornings and read my devotional, go pee in a cup, hangout with my son, go to the gym....and then in my afternoons of freedom I will do whatever my heart desires. If I want to volunteer at place I can. I can read a book. I can write fantasy or non fiction stories or poems. I can do research. And I will keep up with all appointments at treatment court. And if I want to take a nap I will, and I will not feel guilty...Ive been doing my part all along. I am just going to see where my passion and God take me! And at night I will shake my booty to Kelly Clarkson, lol. I when I have my beautiful sons on the weekends, I will cherish every moment and teach them how to treat woman...and be affectionate! I am working on it!
I also check my blog during the day as I used to FB, have become consumed with people removing their likes from blogs, after they have already given them. Its like Oh God what have I done now? Another issue is I have 300 plus reads on some and zero to 2 likes. I have gotten so much stronger in this area, but if it is that popular to read and is not liked...I am human and I dont want to think about that! And I am totally not cool about caring so much about something I first set up to not care so much. Such a bother and now an addiction. I don't want that to be what this is about for me. I am very proud of myself for now bein able to recognize healthy boundaries and limits for myself. And so I got to say sianarra...peace and love to psychotic bipolar addicts everywhere...as well as all "normal" humans! You bore me to pieces, haha its just a joke! No haters allowed is for real.
Just very apparent to me, that this all along has been me being prepared to be open in my own town, possibly my state and who knows. No I am not going to run out tomorrow and begin this quest. I still have a sentencing to face. I will take baby steps, I will do research, and I will slowly reintroduce myself to the professional community. I want grass roots organizations, sit on committees and do presentations. And yes I do know once you get invited to visit one committee in this town, you get invited to them all. I want to learn about legislation, history of laws in forward thinking states and maybe the ones who have taken it too far and caused more chaos. I have a lot to do...and I will probably do it for free for sometime. Eventually I want to be a Mental Healthcare Reformist as a consultant...or if I really want to get radical I will be a Rights Activist and strip down naked an front of the capitol...maybe have the flag drapped around me, haha just being silly! But I will yell "Save the humans not the dolphins!" I love dolphins they are my favorite animal...but seriously? And I would yell "Mental Illness is not a choice! Stigma breeds Hate." Did I choose insanity? Did I choose to scare the shit out of a man I was in love with? No I did not. No I was not capable of understanding that my happiness and heaven was not understood, and not real to others. Was I dangerous that happy? I dont think so...and thats why I want a judge a big judge to look take look at what has transpired. Not for just me! I am not looking for expungement or whatever that is called. I want my brothers and sisters in this battle to feel empowered. For the world to know what you see is not what you get. Just some basic humans rights, and to stand up to not be discriminated against. Do you know what is true? More peole without mentall illness commit crimes, than do the mentally ill. To peck a woman like me off as potentially violent enough to harm someone, is wrong. I couldnt and wouldnt hurt a bug...yes I dont even kill bugs...I set them free! Mostly. And did you know that statisically people with my illness are dead before 30? Usually by their own hand. Alive for a reason this "dumb" blonde, in disguise I am. Boom Boom and light up the sky! Look at me, so very not dead! God is amazing, isnt He?
So anyway I am getting passionate again. I have two felonies for my passion...thats fitting. Not about to go apeshit. Gonna wake up in the mornings and read my devotional, go pee in a cup, hangout with my son, go to the gym....and then in my afternoons of freedom I will do whatever my heart desires. If I want to volunteer at place I can. I can read a book. I can write fantasy or non fiction stories or poems. I can do research. And I will keep up with all appointments at treatment court. And if I want to take a nap I will, and I will not feel guilty...Ive been doing my part all along. I am just going to see where my passion and God take me! And at night I will shake my booty to Kelly Clarkson, lol. I when I have my beautiful sons on the weekends, I will cherish every moment and teach them how to treat woman...and be affectionate! I am working on it!
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