OK, so I have to come to terms that I am in love with Adam, a character in a book that looked like the one in real life, Adam was not his name. He walks like Adam and talks like Adam, and plays the guitar, and is an excellent mason. He has long curly black hair and abs and he drives me wild. His voice goes up an octave when he is excited, and I did keep that for Adam, because it is adorable. I haven't purposely contacted the "real man" for almost a year while I have been facing hell being exposed as mentally Ill for the first time. I was insane when I was texting him in August and I can't change that. All along I am like he is so sweet, and so sincere and such a genuine guy, he will understand, he will forgive me. Not that I expect him to forgive me I just want him to at least try and understand. No. Today my lawyer tells me he continues to call the prosecution saying how hurt he is and how I deserve five years in prison. I don't understand of all the men I have ever had in my life this one was the first one I thought was so good and why he would want that for me? Yeah I have been messed up for a long time, but I really have hope now. And why wouldn't he see his part in that and just know everything is going to be OK? Yes my illness got bad, but I think I have more progress in my head in two years than I did in 20. I am fricken sick of him hating me and being so hurt. I've soaked up and learned everything imaginable in two years, I am excited, and how on earth am I gonna change the world from a prison cell. I dont even know what to think about my lawyer telling me that today. It just breaks my heart...for Adam. Why is he so hurt by me? So angry that I loved him? I think he is mostly embaressed because he is so private and quiet, that all this has been like a teen drama show for real. Also I guess I just wasnt the ideal, and he told me I was all lies at one point. I was. And I was in such a transition to find myself that all of this was best. Although I dont understand the extremes another human will go to to prove victor, and it turns out I was never a victim of anything new in our society.
When I was a little girl in this big big world I always played alone. I was shy and I didnt trust anybody, except my family. I read alot of books. I planned to be a doctor, because even young I just knew I never wanted to be poor. So the book worm girl that always raised her hand first...you probably knew one, haha! One book and I can see it in my mind was "The Witch of Blackbird Pond" and I can see her in her long dress and beautiful long blonde hair flowing to her waist. The still pond behind her looked peaceful, but her life was not. And I wanted to be beautiful like her. And although medication has taken my long blonde hair...I am her. I am beautiful inside and out, and I am the modern day Witch of Black Bird Pond. I have loved with all my heart, for once, and I got judged for it, not only by peers, but by the legal system. Where my scaffold is there is my honor, because I am not ashamed that I loved him. That love I felt was amazing and powerful, and the truest loyalty, I had ever felt for a man, by about a million times infinity. I stand before a judge once a week, crazy or not, and I feel exposed and drug addicts, who have led horrible lives, judge me. It is more acceptable to be high by choice, in this society and do and say stupid shit when you are high, than it is to have your brain chemistry or spirituality make it happen. If I said 3 month acid trip for real...peeps be all up in it saying I was cool, right? So yes, a "witch" has a scaffold, in the City Center.
I wrote fairy tales as a little girl...and I can certainly write them now! And I love to be alone and write. The coolest thing is that I discovered that sober. The most I have ever written was a ten page paper in college! Wow! I wrote a book about love and recovery that ended up being about stalking! Guess who still has her fabulous imagination!!! I have never been more proud of anything I have ever done then documenting love and recovery. I have so much to say dont I? Thats why I think its best I work on a book next. Thanks and appreciation to those who have been following my story! Pretty unique lol!!!
And no I dont remember the story line to The Witch of Blackbird Pond, I would like to get it and I would like to read it again. I also think I would like to find the picture and sign my name. Totally Sober Totally Me 2014...MirandadyeBlackInk.
When I was a little girl in this big big world I always played alone. I was shy and I didnt trust anybody, except my family. I read alot of books. I planned to be a doctor, because even young I just knew I never wanted to be poor. So the book worm girl that always raised her hand first...you probably knew one, haha! One book and I can see it in my mind was "The Witch of Blackbird Pond" and I can see her in her long dress and beautiful long blonde hair flowing to her waist. The still pond behind her looked peaceful, but her life was not. And I wanted to be beautiful like her. And although medication has taken my long blonde hair...I am her. I am beautiful inside and out, and I am the modern day Witch of Black Bird Pond. I have loved with all my heart, for once, and I got judged for it, not only by peers, but by the legal system. Where my scaffold is there is my honor, because I am not ashamed that I loved him. That love I felt was amazing and powerful, and the truest loyalty, I had ever felt for a man, by about a million times infinity. I stand before a judge once a week, crazy or not, and I feel exposed and drug addicts, who have led horrible lives, judge me. It is more acceptable to be high by choice, in this society and do and say stupid shit when you are high, than it is to have your brain chemistry or spirituality make it happen. If I said 3 month acid trip for real...peeps be all up in it saying I was cool, right? So yes, a "witch" has a scaffold, in the City Center.
I wrote fairy tales as a little girl...and I can certainly write them now! And I love to be alone and write. The coolest thing is that I discovered that sober. The most I have ever written was a ten page paper in college! Wow! I wrote a book about love and recovery that ended up being about stalking! Guess who still has her fabulous imagination!!! I have never been more proud of anything I have ever done then documenting love and recovery. I have so much to say dont I? Thats why I think its best I work on a book next. Thanks and appreciation to those who have been following my story! Pretty unique lol!!!
And no I dont remember the story line to The Witch of Blackbird Pond, I would like to get it and I would like to read it again. I also think I would like to find the picture and sign my name. Totally Sober Totally Me 2014...MirandadyeBlackInk.