Uggghhh! I am sober, getting well and I cannot stop myself from scaring men! I think I have no censor and am seriously enamored with my life story. I do it on purpose, and I am a full blown trip! Well you want to know...here it is all on the table. Oh well I guess I don't want to get to know somebody over time and feel close to them and then they run away when they find out what happens to me. Uggghhh, I am so absolutely frustrated between my healthy self and the drama that happens from being sick, but oh just sometimes and its random. I just met a guy at a meeting...a good looking guy no less and I vomited my story on him. Now how can I be like I am well 95 percent of the time? Do I revere the messed up part of me so much that I have to lay it on people immediatly? Is it so cool that I live through demonic torture? Dude I need to get a gage on my tongue...this is small town and I am not going to be able to convince everyone that I am spiritually gifted warrior princess, lol. If I am to live in this society successfully, I must be strategic of who and when I share my recovery story. It is not something that can be understood in a 15 minute conversation. Not like I would even have the nerve to get to know a guy right now...but I just cant stop myself from being an overwhelming freak! It pushes them away and maybe that is just Gods way of showing me is that I am too vulnerable to let anyone new in my life right now. I have made friends so easily all my life...and they are there just long enough for me to feel a bond and then they bail. I am always the one rejected because I had no boundaries and put up with any sort of treatment whatsover...yeah but other people have those boundaries and all the things I considered no big deal or forgivable were no go towards me. I am just so relieved to know that my alcoholism was about not understanding other humans. I am so super stoked to be understanding all of this.
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