So I have been like me me me ... I have done this and Adam did that. God sends chills down my spine. To God be the glory. I have always physically felt the Holy Spirit in me. When I do sing to Him i feel a fuzzy feeling in my brain and I know he is healing me and lifting me up.I know God never wanted me to be raped and turn to alcohol and victimization. I always went to church and believed in God, but my walk was a sideways mess. I didn't drink every day but there was always that 50 50 chance when I did that I would black out. I cannot tell you why it took me 20 years to listen to God and stop taking that chance, other than knowing i just loved who i thought i was with a buzz and never thought to control it. That is awful and i paid price for my fun. But now I can be like, no that wasn't just fun and I was really sick and repeatedly let myself be hurt, because I was sick! But I didn't know I was sick or why and that is the enemy snaring your mind. And I would go to church and listen and sing and I was in a trap!
Adam literally laughed. At Christians in the movie Flight. I verbally dumped him for this the next night and then we had sex and i got over it. Hmmmm so not very Christian thinking at all...but i think it has all lead me there just the same. The whole very short time we were together i was not in love with him and had nightmares about him. This just proves God can use anybody, because I didnt know it was love in my heart for him until I sat down to write him a letter a month later...which is now my book, haha. Weirdo.
I think Adam is probably average. I think God let me make him my superhero in my recovery story, because i guess i needed a man that walked on earth to finally play that part. And oh well Adam didn't want to play that part, but neener neener he did anyway. So God used him. So there...so put that in your pipe and smoke it cops and robbers alike. Adam robbed a bank in his past and Jesus loves him lol...he is a good guy. I know he is. Some people like to tell me he is pure evil and the sex was evil and that he must be Satan for the way he treated me, after the fact. Sleeping with the enemy! Lol, no I am pretty sure that I terrify him and he thinks I am Satan. For the love of Buddha I have no idea about anything that goes through Adams mind.
Back to God...see i get sidetracked because i certainly worship Adam too.. I have the nuttiest wildest recovery story and i wrote it because praise Jesus i am uniquely nutty! I have had cops up my ass and been thrown in jail and spent 8 hours in a turtle suit, because I mentioned life was hard and it would be easier to die. You can't say that in jail! I have had welfare checks repeatedly but even hearing demons I have never been suicidal. I have been in psychotic depression where i couldnt move from my bed because of fear, and i am not dead, i am not a wimp thank you God! I was told I was alone in the bottom of hell and eveveryone else was happy and healthy and sin was my fault. It was dark and i have felt that aloneness and separateness starting in my first psychosis at 18. Tortured to understand the pain in my soul...to then be delivered.
Every day I breathe is repairation, is an opportunity to serve God. I am redeemed.
Adam literally laughed. At Christians in the movie Flight. I verbally dumped him for this the next night and then we had sex and i got over it. Hmmmm so not very Christian thinking at all...but i think it has all lead me there just the same. The whole very short time we were together i was not in love with him and had nightmares about him. This just proves God can use anybody, because I didnt know it was love in my heart for him until I sat down to write him a letter a month later...which is now my book, haha. Weirdo.
I think Adam is probably average. I think God let me make him my superhero in my recovery story, because i guess i needed a man that walked on earth to finally play that part. And oh well Adam didn't want to play that part, but neener neener he did anyway. So God used him. So there...so put that in your pipe and smoke it cops and robbers alike. Adam robbed a bank in his past and Jesus loves him lol...he is a good guy. I know he is. Some people like to tell me he is pure evil and the sex was evil and that he must be Satan for the way he treated me, after the fact. Sleeping with the enemy! Lol, no I am pretty sure that I terrify him and he thinks I am Satan. For the love of Buddha I have no idea about anything that goes through Adams mind.
Back to God...see i get sidetracked because i certainly worship Adam too.. I have the nuttiest wildest recovery story and i wrote it because praise Jesus i am uniquely nutty! I have had cops up my ass and been thrown in jail and spent 8 hours in a turtle suit, because I mentioned life was hard and it would be easier to die. You can't say that in jail! I have had welfare checks repeatedly but even hearing demons I have never been suicidal. I have been in psychotic depression where i couldnt move from my bed because of fear, and i am not dead, i am not a wimp thank you God! I was told I was alone in the bottom of hell and eveveryone else was happy and healthy and sin was my fault. It was dark and i have felt that aloneness and separateness starting in my first psychosis at 18. Tortured to understand the pain in my soul...to then be delivered.
Every day I breathe is repairation, is an opportunity to serve God. I am redeemed.
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