So oh shit, talking lawyers and scandal tonight. Sharks are everywhere. I am in deep waters and I just want to clarify my life story and happenings are not stalking. I don't have to have Adam, and I am not trying to get at him. Just feels good to tell my story. I've been writing to Adam since March of last year, and I am overwhelmed tonight by this. There is an investigation, and my laptop was seized in December, they still have it. All my love on it, is evidence of stalking. That's all my life story is at this moment. I am charged with felony stalking for five texts when I was insane. I am charged with another felony for approaching him at a coffee shop and telling him not to be scared. I am watched like a hawk by the mental health court. They think I literally stalked him, like followed him around and knew his schedule and stuff...not so. They also think I broke into his home. This is what they think of me. This is what I am up against. Its serious and though I play light hearted and try to make the best of my first love, maybe my blog could put me in prison. I just don't know. Serious MF business. Then I think of freedom of speech and what a truly terrific story I got to tell. And how maybe its going to make everything better. That's just my little girl thinking though, that God wouldn't make something we've turned beautiful into shit. It is scary though to be this bare...not knowing anything about my future. I am not stocking, I am just telling my story, and am grateful to have known Adam, he made my whole life make sense. And I hope my story makes cents too, because its been rough to understand all this. Painful. But God took that pain from me in a jail cell...so I know how good God is to me.
The meeting tonight was about being bored with sobriety. Mwaaa haha! I have had the best time of my friggin life!!! Its totally and udderly amazing!!! I fell in love! I have never had so much joy and so much pain too, and I felt it all! And God? Well God blessed me so much! I am so tight with God now! I am his Princess and he told me that in my mother's womb last summer, he reknit me!!! I was spiritually reborn, and I am pure! I am his spiritual hand maiden...the most amazing experience of my life! Its so far out, and when I started writing I didn't even know if I fully believed in Jesus! And now there is this whole spiritual world that I get to know about, and share with people. I am not just a disabled broke down welfare mama! I may never have to punch a time clock ever again! It brings me to tears with joy! Thank you God for my gift, and a year where people looked down on me, and despised me, and so I clung to YOU! Thank you for my jail cell, and a no bumper car! Thank you for letting me feel people not like me! FELT IT. Thank you for my poverty, so I would recognize needs from wants...and learn to have an imagination with my children! We have had so much fun, and I feel like the best mom! The most imaginative fairytale wonderland mom, and I told them mom's story is going to mean something. And Samuel is my affection, my cuddle, my love, he's so good for my soul, he is still my baby! My neglect to him when he was a baby killed me inside and "God gave him to me," that is what the name Samuel means! Thank you God for making me a badass female, that doesn't care so much what people think! And thank you God for making me brave! And thank you for Adam! I am so happy I could burst...so I really just hope I don't have to go to prison for this.
I know I took a lot. But it was so worth every minute of loving somebody. Love just does amazing things, and I just never knew. Never knew.
The meeting tonight was about being bored with sobriety. Mwaaa haha! I have had the best time of my friggin life!!! Its totally and udderly amazing!!! I fell in love! I have never had so much joy and so much pain too, and I felt it all! And God? Well God blessed me so much! I am so tight with God now! I am his Princess and he told me that in my mother's womb last summer, he reknit me!!! I was spiritually reborn, and I am pure! I am his spiritual hand maiden...the most amazing experience of my life! Its so far out, and when I started writing I didn't even know if I fully believed in Jesus! And now there is this whole spiritual world that I get to know about, and share with people. I am not just a disabled broke down welfare mama! I may never have to punch a time clock ever again! It brings me to tears with joy! Thank you God for my gift, and a year where people looked down on me, and despised me, and so I clung to YOU! Thank you for my jail cell, and a no bumper car! Thank you for letting me feel people not like me! FELT IT. Thank you for my poverty, so I would recognize needs from wants...and learn to have an imagination with my children! We have had so much fun, and I feel like the best mom! The most imaginative fairytale wonderland mom, and I told them mom's story is going to mean something. And Samuel is my affection, my cuddle, my love, he's so good for my soul, he is still my baby! My neglect to him when he was a baby killed me inside and "God gave him to me," that is what the name Samuel means! Thank you God for making me a badass female, that doesn't care so much what people think! And thank you God for making me brave! And thank you for Adam! I am so happy I could burst...so I really just hope I don't have to go to prison for this.
I know I took a lot. But it was so worth every minute of loving somebody. Love just does amazing things, and I just never knew. Never knew.
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