Spiritual Emergence is not for the weak. I was awake for two weeks and having visions and hallucinations...probably ate up my brain chemicals like acid. I think I can actually feel the wholes in my brain where the feel good chemicals used to be. I did not see this coming. I thought I was healed from going to heaven last summer. I believed it with my whole heart, because I had only been to hell before, and my nightmares had gone away. And this time it was like a light was switched on in my brain over night and I woke up altered on a judgement day. That means I went to Mental Health Court insane. Told the judge to take her basket case and shove it basically, and how dare she talk to me that way? I was taken directly to the hospital. I am not going to go into what I saw there in me, because I want to save that for my book.
Back to my drainage. I have chills, no energy and I am nauseous. Can't eat. Today is the worst day so far and my brain hurts...I am sure this is like coming off of drugs. Something I have never had to do, But I won't spiral down like I did last year. I was on a heaven high for about 3 months last summer, and when I came down I went into darkness. I was confused, ashamed, and embarrassed for what I had done to Adam. I stayed in the dark for like a month, and that total depletion mixed with depression is no good. But I just talked to Adam's soul the whole time and made it through it.
So the good thing is, I am not embarrassed this time, because I understand it. I did a ton of research and talked to professionals who understand psychosomatics as spiritual. I was tired of take this pill and forget about it, plus I had become a criminal.I am not fearful I will get depressed this time, I just want my energy back. My research on spiritual emergence helped me come to terms that what had happened to me was a very good thing. My soul was healing. I had a split ego from rape and pot opening my third eye...I was split between good and evil, until that emergence. The surprise was having another a year later. I usually have four or five years between "visits."
No energy and gained ten pounds in the hospital...hmm...do you think those meds are good for you? I am pissed that I just want to lay around today...I am addicted to happiness, energy and light...so ruminating in my pjs is bothersome. Oh well you get high, you get low. I am glad I am back to earth. I take the fudging meds...no worries. I hate pharmecuetica and doktos, and being a rat in a cage...but on the other hand I really have no clue if I could handle the intensity of my brain waves with out it. Its spiritual yes, and far out cool and amazing to see the world altered, and understand things, in that enlightenment...but then maybe I would miss out on being a mother, which is something I chose first. So here I sit, totally wiped out and normal, nothing spiritual about me...but I do got some damn GOOD STORIES to tell! WOOT WOOT!
Back to my drainage. I have chills, no energy and I am nauseous. Can't eat. Today is the worst day so far and my brain hurts...I am sure this is like coming off of drugs. Something I have never had to do, But I won't spiral down like I did last year. I was on a heaven high for about 3 months last summer, and when I came down I went into darkness. I was confused, ashamed, and embarrassed for what I had done to Adam. I stayed in the dark for like a month, and that total depletion mixed with depression is no good. But I just talked to Adam's soul the whole time and made it through it.
So the good thing is, I am not embarrassed this time, because I understand it. I did a ton of research and talked to professionals who understand psychosomatics as spiritual. I was tired of take this pill and forget about it, plus I had become a criminal.I am not fearful I will get depressed this time, I just want my energy back. My research on spiritual emergence helped me come to terms that what had happened to me was a very good thing. My soul was healing. I had a split ego from rape and pot opening my third eye...I was split between good and evil, until that emergence. The surprise was having another a year later. I usually have four or five years between "visits."
No energy and gained ten pounds in the hospital...hmm...do you think those meds are good for you? I am pissed that I just want to lay around today...I am addicted to happiness, energy and light...so ruminating in my pjs is bothersome. Oh well you get high, you get low. I am glad I am back to earth. I take the fudging meds...no worries. I hate pharmecuetica and doktos, and being a rat in a cage...but on the other hand I really have no clue if I could handle the intensity of my brain waves with out it. Its spiritual yes, and far out cool and amazing to see the world altered, and understand things, in that enlightenment...but then maybe I would miss out on being a mother, which is something I chose first. So here I sit, totally wiped out and normal, nothing spiritual about me...but I do got some damn GOOD STORIES to tell! WOOT WOOT!
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