WHAM! Right in the gut...Mental Health Advisory Board Meeting

So I am on a board that tries to fight stigma and we talk hoopla about little band aids on an explosion.  I freaked them out today with my spiritual talk and I don't give a shit, because they freaked me out by clapping and that was insane to me, for a test on blood that detects the suicide gene!  They are all, "we can save lives!' And I didn't say anything except it was terrifying, and left it at that.  It means we are being breed for suicide, if they can select it, then they can reproduce it.  For hell knows they could inject it with a vaccination in a baby's toe!  What the hell and these people are excited?  Found this a problem...and they spoke of markers for schitzophrenia too, haha I will show you a fudging marker! And also how tumors  that only used to be found in the elderly are now being found in five year olds.  Ima bout to vomit.


Because yeah I have never tried to kill myself or self harmed...I don't understand all these girls slicing themselves up to feel pain, or whatever the hell way they try to explain it to me.  I was suicidal for the year before I met Adam, but no knife has ever broke my skin and I have had a hard, disappointing life.


Yeah so they found the suicide gene, that's damn creepy if you ask me. A gene that can predict someone's will to survive?  What in Tar Nation?  Scary as the devil tapping me on the shoulder right now, cause I am shaking, and how my son's picture, fell off the wall when I sat down to type.  Hair raising fudging scary. This is like a movie...my life is a scary movie.


Whenever I go crazy I always have the thought that my schitzo gene or Men Tell Illness was injected into me.  My mom single, 19 at a University Hospital in Seattle in the 70's...Welfare baby.  I know this is far fetched and totally conspiracy like, but I am just sharing that when I went dark that's what I was told.


I should add that all my past generations are healthy people.  Each side had six healthy kids, good catholic families. My parents both mentally healthy, but alcoholics. I have one half brother on my dad's side that is schitzo, 5 gorgeous other siblings who are healthy. All my mom's 3 other kids have mental health problem's from my step dad. I just find this stuff interesting and how I came from such a healthy basket, to this "disabled" life?

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